We are still in love. Even to this day, present day. After a lot of exchanging messages and falling in love, we have decided that we need to meet. It is so hard going through hardships at home and knowing he is going through difficulties too and the only time we can be with one another is through a phone or computer screen for a few hours a day. We lead two separate lives and try to incorporate the person that means the most even if they are 9000 miles away. It’s hard. His birthday was last week and shopping for his birthday present was the worst! I couldn’t buy certain things as they would either melt, break, snap or you just were not allowed to send them to America. I decided on some traditional English hard boiled sweets (birthday cake flavour of course), some CD’s and air fresheners for his new car, stationary for his new school year and some ‘Open When…’ letters which he could open when he felt whatever stated on the card and I put a little present inside each of them. I also included a bracelet for him, half of the charm was on his bracelet and a half was on my necklace.
I only found out today that Noah’s Mam is actually a Nurse, something I have aspired to be since I was a little girl. I look up to her so much and I don’t even know her. She specialises in children’s care at a major hospital. His parents divorced and he knows nothing of his Father as he left when he was just a baby. I feel for him, not knowing his Father but it kills me more knowing I had mine and he left me after getting to know me and my personality. Does he still love me? Would Noah’s Father still love him after all of this time? My mind is always a whirl with unanswered questions.
Just like how my mind feels at university. What does any of this mean? Trying to figure out what was said in the Nursing lecture today is killing me. It’s hard. I don’t think anyone expects university to be as hard as it is as it is always perceived to be a place full of fun and excitement but when you don’t have a lot of friends it can be hard. I’m not exactly a ‘party animal’ either. I wouldn’t say I was a ‘party pooper’ but staying out until 3am getting out of my head with alcohol is not my idea of fun. I would rather stay in watching Netflix with a cup of tea and biscuits or a can of coke and a bag of crisps. Much opposed to ‘normal’ university students. Trying to find a job at university is a killer too. Loads of people are fighting for the same job and it’s so hard. I managed to get a job at a Café right next to the university a few months ago but it was just my luck when after two weeks the Café closed with no word of warning. I was left high and dry with no pay for the job I had carried out as I was supposed to be paid at the end of the month. I have my student loan to help fund what I need but that’s just the necessities as it costs a lot to get to university. This money is a must in order for me to see Noah. I feel as though this is an ongoing dilemma which is never going to get resolved. I have applied for some more jobs this week and I am hoping and praying one pays off. If only I had my Dad here he could help me and possibly understand. I hope Isaac is getting the education he deserves...
Noah knows of my Father and brother. My Mother doesn’t understand why I have told him but I felt as though it was right. I trust him with my whole heart just like he does with me. He believes there must be a suitable reason as to why he cut contact. I have always believed him but this time, I’m just not so sure..
