Walls

I

Daniel's Point of view...

I was destined to never do anything I wanted, I was so sure of that, I, Daniel Seavey, who breathes air since 2nd April 1999 can prove you if you try to tell me that I can do anything that I wanted because It's my life, wrong.

First, I was born with a illness that will never make me able to do anything freely nor as much as I wanted, yes, the illness I have is a monster called Psychotic depression, and when I was diagnosed, mom and dad's relationship gets worse, and I am the one to blame.

I was diagnosed with Psychotic depression at the age of 15, and I guess, dad telling me to stop music hit me too much, and made me hate myself more than I already have.

Second, I have a very disapproving and abusive family, for as long as I can remember since breathing air for 19 years now, is that, I was always the one who's forbidden to do anything that I wanted, my brother, Tyler, lives in another state with freedom, the same goes with Christian, while my younger sister, Anna, is studying in my hometown.

It's not fair, I know, and that already made me recognize the feeling of hating myself since a young age, and I usually spend my time playing guitar, piano, or anything I could get my hands to, because I want to distract myself from this bitter reality.

I do have friends, I mean, my friends didn't knew sometimes I have delusions and hallucinations, I of course hid it, I had enough people who hates me for my imperfections and flaws, and I didn't need more, or three more.

I'm not good at socializing, so I only have a few close friends, and I have to admit, I value them more than I value myself, and three of them are ridiculously popular, while me? I am actually a wall, and nobody even knows I breathed unless I won best student of the year or something which I always do.

Today I woke up from Dad's and Mom's arguing voices early in the morning, well, free alarm I guess? Well, guess what? It has been working for 15 years now, 15 years I repeat.

I sighed as then I get up from my bed, and tidy it up, then took a cold shower, preparing myself for a new semester, at least now, I have something that I can do to distract me from having a delusion or hallucination.

 I hate them, I hate having a hallucination nor delusion, because my wrists are already damaged too much, and I feel like my flesh can fall anytime if I did more, but I can't hold myself, I wish I can, but Too bad, I can't.

I wear my long dark blue sweater and skinny jeans, the sleeves of my sweater was long enough to hide the scars of my wrists, only showing the palms of my hand that I decorated with a black bracelet.

I walked out of my room, and I walked pass the two people who's arguing early in the morning, and then finally, I got out of my house for the first time in 3 months prior to the summer break, I breathed fresh air as then sighed before walking to my school.

I arrived not too long after walking, and I can see everyone was laughing and talking to their friends about their holidays, I mean I can do that, but I can never feel the same like them, I sighed once again and then make my way to my locker.

"Good morning!" greeted a familiar voice, it's one of my three friends, Zach Herron.

"Morning, dude, how's your holiday?" I asked to the boy with rosy cheeks in behind me.

Zachary Dean Herron or Zach Herron as he would prefer, is a sophomore and he's the youngest in my circle of friends, I mean you could have probably guested from his hyperactive and easily outgoing personality, I valued him very much because of that.

"It's great! I went to a trip with my family to Canada! I had fun there" he said excitedly to me.

"Well did you made out with some chick?" I asked him to tease.