The Essence Of Benevolent Love

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Anderson

It wasn't how they say in the movies or the Nicholas Sparks-like novels, it was more so a feeling of understanding then it was anything else. I understood that at first glance I found him attractive, I understood upon seeing him my body had a reaction that it's never experienced before, I understood that If I breathe in and out, I'd be okay.

My heart did not skip a beat when our eyes locked, it simply stopped beating altogether. I lost all control over my breathing and panic started to whirl in my intestines. His green eyes were like the grass on a rainy day, fresh and wet.

I'd come to this coffee shop every morning before work and yet I'd never seen him before. When he handed me my latte our fingers brushed, I didn't feel a spark of electricity shoot through my arms but I felt a warmth spread throughout my whole body. I felt as though my feet would give out and my head would kiss the floor any second.

"That'll be 8.99," He said in what I assumed was a normal tone because the minute he opened his mouth I ceased to have the ability to hear anything at all. His eyes looked so deep into mine that I could practically feel his emotions in my soul.

I stared at him for god knows how long. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"8.99 ma'am."

Feeling like I was going to puke I hastily handed him a ten dollar note and sprinted my ass out of that coffee shop.

I knew what I was feeling. I knew that I hadn't even known his name and yet I was practically one foot of the ledge close to falling in love with him.

A stranger. A handsome stranger, but still a stranger.

He made me feel more things in that simple interaction that I've felt in my whole adult life towards any male specimen. I didn't know what to do with I was feeling, more importantly, I didn't know if I should act on it. For all things macaroons I didn't even know the guy, he could be a convicted felon and his parole officer was the one that set him up with that job or he could be some weird criminal minds character with body parts in the basement of his childhood home. I knew nothing of him and yet I wanted to turn around, barge into that cafe and give him my number.

And so, I did.

Pushing to the front of the line ignoring the curses of impatient workers, my heart started hammering against my rib cage.

"Excuse me," I said to the customer ordering their coffee, turning to the man I put on my best smile.

"Hi, you just served me not to long ago. I'm actually really late for a meeting so I'm going to cut to the chase. I want you to take me out. You're a beautifully sculpted Homo sapien and I'd be foolish to let you slip through my fingers," writing down my number on a napkin I continued, "Call me, I'm free this Friday."

After passing him the napkin I turned on my heels and sashayed out of the door. Then I proceeded to alternate between running and fast walking to work.

Clutching my phone I couldn't help the foul mood that began to set within me. I took the small rectangular device everywhere, even to the toilet. He never called.

it was 6'oclock when I left the firm, I couldn't believe I was close to tears. His chiseled face kept flashing in my mind and I couldn't help but go over the possibility that maybe he was hurt or maybe his phone broke or maybe he lost the napkin.

Maybe he died. Maybe he walked behind the cafe on his cigarette break and as he was dialing in my number a serial killer hoped out from his concealment and murdered him in cold blood. I rushed home upon thinking the silly scenario could be true.

Flicking my tv to the news channel I glued myself to the couch as I waited for his handsome face to pop up on my flat screen.

But it never did. I didn't want to entertain the idea that maybe he didn't like me or find me attractive like I did him. Or maybe the universe wanted to send me a big eff you and he had a girlfriend or worse, a wife.

Kicking off my heels I poured myself a glass of wine and then proceeded to drink from the bottle. He was so beautiful and he hadn't even tried, he was wearing an apron for christ's sake. His 6 foot, brunette hair and plump lips would not leave my field of vision. I was obsessed with a stranger. I deemed myself insane.

Ignoring the ringing of my house phone I slumped on my bar stool and I gulped back another glass of wine, thinking of what could have been.

"You have reached Tilian Waldon, Leave a message after the tone." My heart dropped to my feet after hearing what I heard next, it was his voice. His sweet, angelic manly voice.

"Hey, It's me. The guy from the coffee shop, you gave me this number this morning anyway I figured you wouldn't be home from work until around this time that's why I'm just calling--"

I jumped down from the stool so fast it fell to the floor, I then proceeded to trip over it which resulted in my falling face flat, upon hearing him start to wrap up his message I sprinted to the phone.

"Hello! wait, I'm here." I frantically called out seemingly breathless. "I'm sorry, I was doing something. I hadn't realized I gave you my home phone." I finished chuckling a bit.

"Yeah, you even wrote 'home number' on the paper."
He countered with a mocking tone.

"My mistake, I must have forgot. I had the silly idea that you died because you hadn't called me."

"Oh? Because instead of entertaining the idea of one simply rejecting you, they'd had to have been dead or in a terrible collision of some sort?"

I chuckled. "I hadn't meant it like that; Right, well you'll be taking me out on Friday?" I inquired as to attempt to shift the conversation.

"Yes if that's what you'd like. I find it oddly peculiar that you have yet to ask me my name. It's Joshua, Joshua Akin."

Joshua. He looks like a Joshua. Josh for short. I imagined so many names to go with his face and now that I actually have it I couldn't help but silently laugh at how wrong I was.

"Right, must have slipped my mind. I'm Tilian, Tilian Waldon."

"Yes, I heard on your answering machine." He replied with an amused tone. I began to picture his lips in a smile, which lead to them being pictured kissing mine and the feeling that may be accompanied by the said kiss. "We can go to the new Chinese place on 5th and Bowery If that's okay with you."

"Yes, that's fine." I hastily answered, embarrassment spewing into my stomach.

"Okay, see you on Friday. Have a good night Tilian Waldon."

I didn't get a chance to reply as the dial tone erupted in my ear. My chest collapsed as he said my name. Flames etched into my limbs as a pool of arousal filled my knickers. Such a beautiful specimen, with such a beautiful voice.