Loveless

The divorce

This part of my life is a little fuzzy because I lived with my grand parents in California for a year. But I still remember waking up really late and hearing my grandma on the phone with my dad saying things like "it's ok she can stay a little longer" and "don't worry she's to young to remember anyway". Trust me I remember. I remember when I finally got home and had to go stay with my other grandparents in Iowa because my mom wasn't ready to see me yet, and coming home to my moms new boyfriend already living in our house, and my dad already getting frisky with yet another girl. It was hard for me, crying myself to sleep every night, trying to be quiet so I didn't wake anyone up and my life constantly changing in every possible way. It was really rough on me. What happened next changed my life and fucked me up forever.
My mom married my step dad about 2 years after the divorce was final. He was about 6'7" and he towered over us all, with us head bald only on top and a lazy eye, he looked like a stereo typical stalker, and I was scared to death of him. So not only did I have to go back and forth from my moms house to my dads house nearly everyday, but I had to live with this random guys that I barely even knew who scared the crap out of me, but the best part was that he didn't have kids and he didn't know how to react to anything. So everything we did either ended with him yelling at us or physically trying to control us. I have so many stories of fucked up shit he did, but the worst was when I was 6 or 7. one day he was just full on pissed, like red face screaming pissed. He was yelling at me for what seemed like forever, until I got so scared that I got up and ran downstairs and hid under our upright piano that we had. I was sitting there knees to my chest, breathing hard and thinking worst case scenario, of course I was young and naive and thought that the worst that could happen is that I'd have to sit there and hear him yelling at me, I was wrong. The next thing I know I'm being pulled out from under the piano and dragged across the flood bawling and kicking, out to the garage where he forced me into the car and locked me in.my mom was in the passenger seat crying and my brother was next to me, I could see the fear in his eyes the whole way to church. Isn't that fucked up??? it was on the way to fucking church. Welcome to my life.