An Odd Trans Diary

Bathroom problems

Well, first time I'm writing. Hello, I'm a 15 year old trans person, ftm, who goes to high school as a Sophomore. I do not want anyone who knows me in my personal life to know this is mind, therefore I will be going by the name A. So, I have made this book so I can share my personal thoughts/opinions on certain topics, trans related or not, and tell you about things happening in my life, positive or negative.

As of now by reading the title most of you already know what this is about. Since I am still in high school, bathrooms are a bit of a problem. My parents and I discussed our thoughts on bathrooms, and of course my thing was, "I want the boys bathroom, nothing more nothing less." Of course that's not the way it turned out. I had a personal meeting with the principal, the assistant principal, and the guidance counselor. It had a great outcome. I would not be allowed in the boys locker room, since no stalls were in there they all got naked in front of each other, which I obviously wasn't going to do anytime soon, so we decided I could instead go to the boys rooms, and use the restroom in there as well. This would prevent any students from finding out about me. We also notified all my teachers about my situation so they would be sure to use he/him pronouns to confirm any students suspicions. Two days later, I get a call from the office wanting me down to talk to the counselor.

He tells me they talked to their lawyer, and it's not good. I expected this since I live more in the southern areas, where being trans could get you shot. They said it was not smart, and we would have another meeting with my parents. I didn't realize that meeting was earlier today. They had the meeting, and I walked in there. Don't get me wrong these teachers are great people and I know they wish I could go to the correct bathroom. They are some of the best teachers I have personally ever met. And my parents are very supportive of me as well. I go to the boys room in public all the time. They were all concerned about my safety at school though. They told me I will be using a faculty bathroom while I am there, and they would be giving me a school key, which was a lot of responsibility. I was heartbroken, and could barely fake a smile and a nod. I could feel tears form at my eyes and my throat swell up, but I didn't let it show. They will be giving me my key tomorrow. They have to make me a special key chain to go with it, since students aren't supposed to have that key, I will most likely be stopped quite a bit by teachers who are not aware.

My parents tried to make me feel better, telling me how I'm obviously very trust worthy to these adults since they are giving me a key to the school itself, and I just kinda mumbled, "yeah." I still felt broken, like I wasn't ever going to feel like a normal boy there. I knew I couldn't but just like the other boys, but I longed to be as much like them as I could. I remember when we first got the deal that I could use the boys bathroom, I couldn't stop smiling and moving around with excitement. I got to flip off all the boys who mock me for not being allowed in the boys room, and now they are right. I can't, and as long as the south is the way it is, I never will be. It physically hurts me to know my parents are worried about me and know they cannot do anything to help me. I explained to them I would be angry and piss for a while, and I am sorry in advance for my hormones acting up, but I am upset. Luckily, even though they don't like it, they understand, and tried explaining why it was the way it was. I knew that already, and I should have expected this. I did expect this, but I didn't expect so much hurt in return.

At least it's a Thursday, meaning tomorrow is a Friday, meaning the weekend is right behind me. Then I will have time to mope about it all. All of my friends and a lot of kids who just barely know me stick up behind me and don't think it's right, but I tell them to stand down, since we cannot do anything at this time and age. Maybe in the future. I hope to be able to change it as soon as I can. That, and wear I live I cannot change my legal gender from female to male on my birth certificate. We are one of the few states left who will not change it. I hope to soon get that law changed as well. My therapist and me will most likely have a talk about all of this, and I hope that I can just get the normal treatment as all the other males.

If you have any notes, comments, questions, etc. comment them below this. Thank you for reading.