Late Last Night

Chapter 24

I'm a mess :: Ed Sheehan

My home was eerily quiet when I entered it. I reached over and flicked on the light. Stepping in through tht threshold, Lucas locked the door behind me. I looked over at him and told him to wait there. I gathered the skirt of my dress in my hands and climbed the steps two at a time. I reached the bathroom in my bedroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My makeup was ruined the so called waterproof was streaked across my cheeks. My face looked pale and my eyes were puffy. I was a mess.

Sighing I untied my hair from its tie and run my fingers through it. I used my make-up remover and washed my face.

Stepping out the bath I stripped from the dress and walked over to my bed. I bent on my knees near the edge and looked under the bed. I took out the little plastic bin.

When my father died he left some things for me. I rarely ever go through it, trying to leave the past in the past. But it felt right, I needed to feel like my father was here with me. Opening the lid, some of the dust blew up in my face. Coughing and fanning the dust around, I reached for the old college sweater. Underneath, there were pictures. Of me and dad, dad and mom and some, even, with my mom and me. Life was a lot simpler back then. Clutching the sweater to me, I placed each picture aside. And at the bottom the cracked military picture of my father lay at the bottom gathered with different trinkets.

I picked up the picture and finally I started to really cry. My sobs were heart retching and hurt my chest. I hiccupped as the tears ran down my face. I was crying for my daddy, the fact that he had to die and leave me alone. That without him leaving Max probably wouldn't have been here. That maybe my mom would have stayed with me.

That I wouldn't have been so alone.

I was angry. Angry at everything. It wasn't fair. Why did I deserve this? What did I do, what did Max do? I dropped everything in my arms and jumped over to one of my draws, digging in one of my draws I took out a Jack Daniels. I stared at the bottle, gripping the neck. Without any more thought, I popped the cork put the bottle to my lips, and chugged.

The first drop hit me hard. It's been a long time since I've drunk something but it felt so good as the burn rushing down my throat. I sighed after every sip, feeling the pain temporarily flood away. I wasn't drunk. Yet.

I took another long swig and turned to my bed again. Without dropping my bottle, I grabbed up the pictures of my broken family and threw it at the wall. Each throw felt like a release and I laughed from the delirium feeling I got. Then I started tearing up the room in anger. Ripping out drawers, throwing anything I could get my hands on. I was in frenzy and I did not have any control of what I was doing.

And then two strong arms wrapped around my waist, pinning down my arms. I dropped the Daniels in surprise. Breathing out in pants I tried to fight the resistance. I wanted to break free and finally let loose all of the anger I've been trying to hold in. It took me a while to realize that I was actually leaning on Lucas. I turned in his arms and buried my face into his strong chest.

He let me pour out all my tears and snot over his nice shirt. I probably looked crazy and not in anyway attractive, but at the moment I did not care. And I was grateful for the fact that he was here.

When I finally calmed down we were both tangled up in eachother on my bedroom floor. My breaths were comng out in heavy pants and I sniffled a little. Looking up at Lucas he gazed back at me sadly. He also had a nother emotion that I don't think anyone has ever had towards me before. The intensity of his stare kind of scared me.

Slowly he reached up and took a strand of my hair and put it behind my hair. His hand caressed my cheek and I leant into it.

"I would kiss you right now but I know it is not the time." He said. My heart stuttered at his admission and I swear if I could blush I would have. I did not say anything though, I could not if I wanted to. My throat felt sore from crying and screaming too much.