If I Told You, You'd Hate Me

exposition

"Just keep digging."

By the bile flooding her tone, I could tell she was just as exhausted as I was.

Not as remorseful, but exhausted.

And maybe that's what kept me going. The mere fact that I related with her on  something for once, had me striking the ground with passion.

The ache in my muscles, The sheer sheet of sweat on my skin... 

God, i wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.  Feeling  just the gist of how she felt.

And what she'll never be feeling again, once this is all over. 

But... when will this really be over?

"Honey?"

I drew a sharp breath shocked from the quick transition of the dark night, to a heavily packed chapel. I looked at my mother, throwing together a quick but light smile due to the circumstances.

"Are you okay? You seemed to have blanked out for a second. If you want, I'll join you for some air--"

"No mom." i say gently in the same whisper. "It's rude to leave in a middle of eulogies."

With her piercing hazel eyes she gave me a look of concern, and I tried my damdest not to look as uncomfortable as I was.

I didn't know Maggie, but i certainly knew of her, as did most of the school.

Even before her suicide.

Why she did it is a secret that will go with her to the grave.

She was the girl you thought would have everything. I mean, she wasn't an enclavate, but even they were among her circle.

And sitting front row, there they were. Delantee, Lisa, Santana, Charlie and Theo Lincoln.

I guess I had to put my sataric opinions aside for that boy, since that perminant smirk on his face was replaced by something I couldn't read on this bleak evening.

Even when we locked glances for a second  when everyone was settling in, it just didn't seem like him. And i don't think he will ever be the same.

I really shouldn't be the one to say, after all I didn't know him like I thought I did last  summer. For all i know it could all be an act. I just can't help but think he should not look so empty for an acquaintance.

"And now that we have heard the rehearsed, was there anyone else who wanted to say anything before we lay Margaret to rest?"

Awkward eyes fired across the room, including my own. The same thing on every ones mind:

Was one of them going to say anything? And  if so, what the hell would they say? Maggie was the only regular person bold enough to get close to them anyways.

It would only make sense.

But to my surprise, someone else took the stand.

Her faternal twin sister Wren.

For the past 3 months I've been at Rosebark , I've realized we were alot alike.

Minus the sandy blonde locks, and petite figure, we rarley said anything to anyone.

She was undoubtedly the shy twin.

And now... she's the only twin.

"My dear family." She begins in a small and innocent voice. Here goes another tear jerker.

"Maggie would hate to see us all sobbing like this. And that's why I've been keeping it all in since the day I found her warm dead body on our bathroom floor." She says, with no change in tone, and so bluntly it was almost creepy.

"And to the students of Rosebark. I'd like to thank you for the calm reactions when being forced out your homes," She points at the front row of enclavates.

"Or off your high horses, excuse me,  by the schools administration to soften the blow and prevent anymore controversy."

I blinked in shock.

At the corner of my eye I could see the twins parents sit up from their slouching sob position.

Her eyes went wide. "Huh! Surprised I'm not bullshitting you? Rubbing your backs like the parents who allowed you to grow into the brainwashed individuals you all are!?"

The room was at a frightening silence. It's like people were afraid to breathe.

Her dad tried to motion her off the stand. His lips read something along the lines of,

"This won't change anything."

"But" she pointed out conditionally. "I got to give it up for these five right here. Sitting front row at Mag's funeral, just so everyone thinks you didn't screw her over, strategic!"

Lisa was the first one to rise with her parents, her face twisted in distraught.

As they scurried towards the exit. Wren didn't hesitate to go on.

"Getting some normal vulnerable girl in your circle just to entertain your sad selfs. I must say its like puppets wanting to be the puppeteer. You all knew exactly what you were doing. Especially you, Lincoln."

I gulped realizing him and his mother were the last ones. Everyone could see that his mother was trying to make him leave, yet he seemed frozen and unaware of anyone other then Wren.

I knew for a fact this guy was used to having lots of attention, but nothing like this. I could only feel bad because I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

And we're we about to find out?

Wren's parents were now at the stand trying to settle her down, in a way that was the least rambunctious as possible.

"While I still have you all here I must warn you." She says a little louder since her mother shifted the mic. Her light voice had a dark undertone that was just straight up scary. Her dad picks her up over his shoulder.

Theo's mom manages to get him to rise,

Lisa's dad is just about to open the doors.

I could feel my mother tugging on me to leave along with them as well as a trance like captivation, to just have to hear the end of it.

"I advise you to live like you won't be walking that podium 4 years from now just like my sister,

and watch your fucking backs."

******

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vee, xx