Unintentionally Bared (18+) ✔

Chapter Thirty Eight

"I think it needs to be tightened around the waist line a little more." Maria ordered.

I was currently standing on a circled platform being fitted, for the third time, for my wedding dress. I tried not to breath as the associate placed pins into the dress to mark the alterations. There was only two days left until the wedding day and I couldn't be more distressed. I was filled with dread as every minute passed, bringing me closer and closer to making the worst decision of my life. How could I possibly go through with this? Maria had taken the liberty of booking my rehearsal party tomorrow night at the River Cafe. Isaac's family was flying in tonight for the wedding on Saturday and I was not looking forward to meeting them, let alone entertain their questions at dinner. They'd ask me, how did you fall in love? When are you going to have children? Why haven't you moved in with him yet? How excited are you to tie the knot? and I'd have to sit there a lie through my teeth because I don't remember falling in love with him, I never wanted children, I didn't want to move in with Isaac, and I was anything but excited to get married. I took a deep breath to calm my ever-growing nerves.

"Ouch." I screamed when a pin sliced into my side.

"Stay still." The assistant barked, pulling my dress impossibly tight around my torso. I could hardly breath. "There, perfect." She said standing up from her kneeing position on the floor.

I glanced at myself in the floor length mirror and I wanted to cry. I looked beautiful, like a princess in a fairy tale, except I would never have the prince I wanted. My dress was an off white strapless lace gown that hugged tightly against my curves before flowing around my feet. I didn't stare at myself for too long, I couldn't bare the sight. Everyone around me saw a happy bride who'd knock the breath out of her fiancée on his wedding day but all I saw was a broken mess.

"You look beautiful." Maria exclaimed. That was the first time Maria has ever complimented me and it felt eerie.

"Thank you."

I changed out of my wedding gown and placed it back on the hanger. Walking out of the dressing room I handed the dress to the associate responsible for making the adjustments before walking outside. How the hell was I supposed to do this? Why was I doing this? I couldn't dwell on that thought to long before Maria exited the building.

"Isaac called, he wanted to know what time you were coming home. I told him I'd have you call him back when you were finished." She said walking to her car.

I pushed myself off the side of the brick building before following her. I was supposed to have dinner at Isaac's apartment tonight but that was the last place I wanted to be. In fact, I didn't want to be anywhere at all. I wanted to disappear and save myself from this misery I called life but, I hopped into Maria car so should could drop me off.

"Good afternoon my bride to be." Isaac greeted as I walked into his kitchen.

"Good afternoon soon to be husband." I replied, forcing a smile on my face. I was internally dying.

"How did everything go today? Did you like your dress?" He asked while chopping an onion against the cutting board.

"It was good. I got stabbed a few times, but it was mainly my fault. Your mother said that she made a reservation at The River Cafe for tomorrow night."

"Yeah, it's only for the main bridal party so twenty people max."

We still haven't had a dance rehearsal for the wedding, so I was positive that was going to end in a disaster. I was completely clueless as to what song we were going to dance to and who I was designed to dance with throughout the night, but I guess I'll just improvise when the time comes. I watched as Isaac maneuvered smoothly through the kitchen, like he's been cooking his entire life and I couldn't help but notice the apartment wasn't burned to a crisp.

"Have you taken up cooking classes that I wasn't aware of?" I ask jokingly.

"Practice makes perfect," He replied. " and I want to be perfect for you, in every way imaginable."

His declaration pulled at my heart strings. Why did he have to be so undeniably sweet, why couldn't he make this easier to leave him? Why couldn't I meet Alexander first? So many emotions flowed through my body at once, causing me to feel lightheaded. I braced myself against the counter and Isaac rushed to my side.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just got dizzy for a second." I replied as I regained my balance. "I'm okay."

I walked out of the kitchen to relax on the couch while Isaac finished cooking. I felt sick to my stomach as I went to war with myself. How could I possible explain to Isaac that I was no longer in love with him, that I had betrayed him in the worst possible way by falling in love with his father. It would shatter him, and I couldn't bare that. I was being selfish, trying to have both men in my life, prolonging the inevitable. I knew how this would end and it crushed my soul. I don't think I could handle it if either one of them walked out of my life, I loved them both uniquely. I had no doubt that If I go through with this, it would be the death of me.

"Dinners ready babe."

I forced myself to place my thoughts into the back of my mind before following Isaac into the dining room. Dinner smelled delicious as Isaac set two bowls of chili on the table before pouring us each a glass of water. I took the seat across from him and grabbed a piece of bread from the basket before I took a bite. Isaac watched me the entire time, trying to read my expression as he ate. I avoided eye contact as his stare became intrusive.

"Jessica, why are you hiding from me?"

"What?" I asked stirring the food in my bowl.

"There is something off with you and you're not telling me." He said between clenched teeth. His sudden change of mood startled me as his glare became more intense. I shook my head slightly trying to think of something to say. "Why have you been avoiding me? Why won't you kiss me? You barley talk to me anymore, is there someone else?" He barked. Yes, just say yes.

"No!" I yelled. fucking coward.

"Then what has been up with you lately? Are you getting cold feet? Do you not love me anymore?" He questioned.

"I do love you." Just no how I was supposed to.

"Then tell me what's wrong because I'm driving myself crazy with the possibilities."

I was becoming increasingly aggravated by his tone even if he had every right to question me. I should tell him right now and get everything out in the open. Maybe then I'd have the chance to breath, maybe then he'd leave me because god knows I didn't have the strength. I just couldn't force the words out of my mouth, instead I said-

"I'm just tired, it's been a stressful week planning our wedding. I just want to go to bed." I say standing to bring my bowl to the sink. He followed.

"If there is no one else then kiss me Jessica." He demanded. I was becoming frightened as he boxed me against the counter. I didn't want to kiss him, but I didn't want to tell him what I've done more so, I pressed my lips against his and he exhaled deeply in relief. Isaac took it upon himself to deepen the kiss, rolling his tongue roughly along mine as he pressed me harder into the counter. I felt nothing as my mind went blank. He was breathless when he finally pulled away and I tried my best to contain my unease.

"I'm sorry Jess, I've just been so on edge lately and works been driving me crazy, I just- please forgive me." He begged. I couldn't help but notice the sincerity in his eyes as he pleaded with me, he looked ashamed and I filled with guilt.

"It's okay Isaac." I said placing my hand against his chest to back him away slightly. His outburst scared me, and I just needed some space. "I really am tired, I'm going to head to bed."

"Okay, I'll finish cleaning up and I'll be in there soon." He said grabbing the pot of chili off the stove.

I walked quickly to Isaac's bedroom and climbed into bed. I've seen Isaac upset several times, but never towards me. I wrapped the comforter around my shoulders as I relaxed into the mattress. His accusations weren't unreasonable which is probably why I was so unsettled. I deserved his wrath, I deserved to be alone and unloved, I deserved my world to come crashing down around me, but he trusted me, and his love never wavered, even if mine has. Isaac entered the dark room a moment later and laid down behind me. He pulled me closer to him and ran his fingers through my hair. As Isaac coaxed me to sleep, all I could think was, he wasn't Alexander. He will never be Alexander.