I really hope you never see this. Because if you did... god! I can just imagine the rumors and the whispers that would follow both of us around. I remember the first time I realized I liked you, then I learned that you might like me. Ha! What a joke that was. A cruel joke to me. Repeated so many times by your friends. Is it true? Or are they just being asses? I would never tell you that I like you in real life because I'm afraid to be rejected by you. And that's how I know I really like you, I am worried about what you think. And I never worry about what others think about me. You make me want to dress nicely and actually put effort into my hair. You make me want to be better. You're so inspiring. You have so many hopes and dreams about the future. And I want to have that hope. And when I am with you, I do. I forget about my sadness and all the bad stuff in the world. I just want to be in the moment with you.
Another thing that drives me crazy is that everyone and I mean everyone (friends, family, that's all the people I know...) think that you like me. But I don't see it. I feel like all you will ever see me as is a friend. And I don't want that. I want to say I love you, but we're in middle school, and we don't know what love is yet. I want to push the social boundaries and hang out with you more, but I'm sure we both can remember what happened last time... The whispers and the attention of one hundred judging middle school eyes. And I don't want that.
Did you invite me to your party, because you liked me, or did you invite me as just another friend? I worry about that sometimes. How you tried to urge me to the dance floor. How you kept coming to the table I was sitting at. And talking to me, and my friends. The same friends I know, you don't know. You kept coming over, a thing you didn't do for anyone else. Was that because you like me? Or worried you made a mistake in inviting me? Did you invite the two friends because you know I'm awkward around people? And I would need some friendly faces?
Am I over thinking every kind thing you have done toward me? I probably am. I probably sound obsessed with you. But what is life without love? Or what I think is love. All I know is that I like you as more than a friend.
Sincerely,
Me
