The Depressed Muslimah

Introduction

ZEENAT'S POV

I wake up the same yet another day. A sigh escapes my lips as I make my way towards the bathroom. School break is over . Finally. I do not need to stay in this house anymore well at least not all day. I can escape once again until I'm at the beginning point again. Truth be told , I'm sick of this life. I'm sick of being sick of this life . Perhaps this is life's way of reaching out to me.

No one loved you. You should kill yourself . You'd ease the burdens of the rest. Kill yourself.

The same words play along my mind as I get dressed wearing my uniform which is a grey skirt and skirt with a white shirt and blue blazer over it. How should I do it without feeling the pain? Maybe jumping of a building or hanging myself or perhaps even-
"Zeenat!, are you up? Wake up your sister ,she's going early today."

I don't bother answering my mother , if she is even one. I do everything to fit in , to be loved but it doesn't get me anywhere so I stopped trying.
I quickly tie my laces of my shoes and enter my sisters room. Her room blinds me with the overwhelming use of colour as I try to wake her up.
"Ayesha, come get up. You going to be late."
She stirs still being asleep, and mumbles something among the lines of 'leave me alone' and so I do.

My leg aching with every step I take it makes loud sounds as I walk down the staircase into the kitchen. "Asalamualaykum." ( peace be upon you) I greet my parents with a weak smile. I sit down as they reply and start eating my cereal as silence begins to sit in.

"You ready for your first day of school for year 11?" My father asks me breaking the silence.

"Jee I am, also Mama Ayesha doesn't want to wake up." My mother shakes her head slightly and proceeds in screaming for my sister.

Ayesha is 5 years older than I and is currently in her last year of studying financial accounting at the nearest university. One of the reasons as to why I want to kill myself is her. I'm jealous of her. She has everything and I nothing. Life chose her over me as well as everyone else.

Baba and I keep small conversation going on before he goes to work. My small brother arrives in the kitchen rubbing his eyes due to the tiredness. 

Meet Muaaz , my brother who is 3 years younger than I.  We were always close being the ones left out in my family but now he's with them . We no longer share the close bond between us. I no longer share a bond with anyone.

1 hour later

It's already 20 minutes in school and I can't stand it. You can't stand your house either. A voice pops in my mind. I ignore the thought and think of ways to end it all. I think I'll settle with hanging myself. All I need is rope and I'm sure I can get that . Even though I don't want to end it like this I will unless I find meaning to this world until then darkness , you my only friend.

Life , I'm giving you a week. Show me purpose , give me strength and if not , I'm going to give death a call.

Authors note:

Slmz, hey

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please vote and comment. It means a lot to me. Till the next time I can't sleep!

Slmz! Bye