For You » Han Jisung

U

12/25/**

To Jisung,

Merry Christmas,
my dearest friend Jisung.
To the only person I have
ever since
I was abondoned here.
To the only true person who cares for me.
I had to struggle being with you,
but know it was worth it.
I did everything for you.
I depended everything on you.
Your words, actions, everything
is embedded in my head.
You told me to smile,
I did For you.
You told me to be happy,
I did For you.
You told me I'm pretty,
I believed I was For you.
You told me to not be depressed,
I faked I'm not, but I did it for you.

But one thing you never told me to do was,
To love you,
but I did anyway.
And it's the only selfish thing I did for myself.
But you know what?
It was still wrong.
I could never have you, Jisung.
You saw me as a Friend, nothing more.
Everything I did was wrong.
So everything I did was for you.
Because what you ‘think’ is right for me.
It will always be right for me.
It's like my law, my rule,
but rules are meant to be broken.

So I broke free from everything that you said.
From now on, I won't do things for you.
I'll do it for myself.
I believe it's time I'll be independent enough to not depend on you, Jisung.

P.s if you read this, I'm not in Korea anymore (:

Sincerely, J.

❄

Sometimes, when you're not happy, there are people who are sad that you have to be happy for.

When you're depressed, you have people who are also depressed that you have to be strong for.

And you start to question yourself, "I'm doing it for them right? So they will be happy, so they will be strong. Because it's my responsibility, it's my obligation." It's called selfless. It's called ignorance of your own feelings.

Sometimes being selfish
is what you need.
You are you, not them.
You are yourself, not you for themselves.

They are not your obligation.
If you feel down, then you feel down, don't obligate yourself to be up for someone.

I want you to know that you have rights to be whoever you are. Don't do it for someone, do it for yourself.

End.