Short Stories

Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I sit on the couch tired and irritable because I have nothing to get up for. You try to give me things to do, but I'm not motivated enough to do them. I'm not going to get dressed and be active just to fold clothes. I'm not going to clean out my closet when you've just made it worse and won't help me.

When I'm not feeling well mentally, don't just say I'm tired, or "it's because you were on your phone all night." Because you're wrong. I try to get sleep, but my mind races with negative thoughts that keep me awake. Don't think that just because I'm tired when you wake me up at 6 AM that I wanted it that way.

When you pressure me to do my homework before a certain time in the day, know that you're making me feel less motivated to do it. You think that because you yell at me to do something, I'll do it. I won't. Not out of spite, but because once you put something bad into something I always have to do, those bad memories of you yelling don't go away. They come back when I'm trying to do something.

When I don't want to go to family gatherings, it's not because I just want to sit on my phone all day, or that I don't love them. I love my family with all my heart, but the only family member whose not my cousin or my sister I can talk to without stuttering is my godmother, and that's because when I was younger and you wanted to get rid of me for a day or two, you'd just send me to her.

Sure I do theater and I'm good at articulating my words and not stuttering, but that's because I know exactly what to say and how to say it. You don't believe me when I say I'm socially awkward. I can't even talk to a teacher at school without stuttering. I had a conversation with my music teacher and I began every sentence with "um" or "uh" because I was unsure of what to say.

Dad, as I was writing that last paragraph, you came up to me and yelled at me to get off my phone and do "what I'm supposed to be doing". First off: you can't expect me to know what you're talking about if you don't say it. Second: I'm on my phone because I want to tone out your yelling, and I want to get it my frustrations. Not every time you pass me while writing this I put my phone done because I'm scared you'll see what I'm writing and yell more. I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I know the outcome, and I'm not going to subject myself to that.

Dad, I haven't forgotten what happened when I didn't want to go to Nick's college graduation party. If you think I'll forget about it, you're dead wrong. For those of my readers who are probably scared, it wasn't rape or anything to that extreme, but for me it was traumatizing.

Im going to stop writing this letter now because I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I love you both from the bottom of my heart, but I won't show it unless you show it back.

Isabel.

Wow this was a lot longer than I thought it would be. I just really needed to get out my feelings. It helps me cope. If you read all that, that you. I love all of you.

- Isa