Silently #ToAllTheBoysContest Second Entry

Silently

Dear unknown-secret-crush,

Seeing your smile light up every morning just sets the mood. You were this big bright light leading me away from this tight crowded dark corner. Your laugh is a miracle sent from above. The way your eyes crinkle when you found something extremely hilarious.

You were just so mellow amd soft like a melody. I wouldn't say I was in love but I was getting there. Somehow you were a magnet to my heart. Everytime you came closer and closer, my heart always made an attempt to jump out and reach you.

You were like a star, no stratch that, you were the star. I knew the moment you said hi that you were the one I wouldn't forget. When you rushed in soon after you heard that I wasn't feeling good, In that moment, I knew I wouldn't be able to see you leave me behind.

When you called me your friend, god, that shouldn't have made me break down but my heart died that day. If only you could hear the broken sound of my heart I carry inside of me. If only you knew that "friends" wasn't what I invision for us.

The day you said you met someone, you talked about her like she had your heart in the palm of her hands. You sounded so happy while you told me how she came up to you and how you got her number. I was crushed, just seeing you fall deeper for her. Your face was so blissed at that moment, I just couldn't help to break down in tears when you left for her.

As days past, you became distant and the us you so called as friends disappeared along too. While you were so invested in her, I was silently crying empty tears away. I would silently wonder why you chose her over "us". You never returned and I lost hope.

Weeks were gone and the seconds were ticking when you showed up at 1 in the morning. I wanted to hate you, scream or cry but it was like I cried all my tears just waiting on you. When you finally appeared, no words were said. All I could do was silently beg for you to tell me why.

I hated the way your eyes wanted to cry and I despised the way you told me she was gone from your grasp. I hated how the moment you decided to show up and remember me again was to tell me you didn't have her no more. There wasn't no "I missed you" nor "I'm sorry" from you at all.

I also hated the way you still made me feel like a little sappy kid when you were near. I hated when I let you in while I held you. I may hate a lot of things towards you but in the end my heart would always jump for you.

I still silently hoped, that "friends" was not permanent. 

Sincerely, me