dahyun
we were having lunch. i sat next to momo, who was practically guzzling her food. peering down at the plate, i wasn't surprised when it only had a small serving of mashed potatoes and a miniature piece of steak.
i looked at the plate belonging to the person sitting in front of me. she was quietly eating her mashed potatoes. i noticed how small her servings were, much smaller than mine. she barely had any meat on there.
what the fuck?
was it because she was bigger than me? she weighed more so she got less food. i looked at momo's plate, it contained a big pile of mashed potatoes with a big hunk of meat.
how come i've never noticed this before. but i had to remember, this was votty, a place striving to make everyone 'perfect.' that starts with our weight. people who were on the skinny side had to eat more while others had to eat less.
this angered me a little.
from the corner of my eye, i saw jimin. he was sitting not too far away but was busy talking to someone. i looked away when i heard a loud noise.
a man dropped his plate, spilling its contents all over the floor. this triggered the guards and they started yelling at him. a whistle was blown and the man was dragged out of the room.
i was about to stand up and help the poor guy when jimin cleared his throat loudly, stopping my movements. i looked in his direction. he was shaking his head at me, insisting not to lash out. i sighed and nodded. he was right, i had to be chill.
i looked over at momo, she was casually eating her food as if nothing happened. it was like she was immune to these kinds of things.
this angered me a little bit more.
the lunch room was quiet after that. i slowly ate my food, feeling sick to the stomach. i didn't know how much longer i could stay here, everything was driving me crazy.
then people wearing leather jackets entered the lunch room, they stood around the tables, eyeing us down. i creased my eyebrows before asking momo, "hey, those people are the leaders of this place, right?" momo looked up from her plate and nodded, she replied, "yeah, they like to examine us sometimes while we eat."
i looked at them. the only other time i met the votty leaders was back at the gas station. they're the whole reason why jimin and i were stuck in here.
this angered me a little..a lot more.
how dare they...how dare they..
i stood up, looking at the leaders with blazing eyes. jimin's eyes widened at my actions, he was going to stop me but it was too late.
"fuck you," i spat out loudly, making the whole room go quiet. the leader's heads snapped in my direction, watching me.
my inner psyco was released. everything that was bottled up inside me was free. the adrenaline flooded my system, there was no stopping now.
"i have never been more disgusted in anyone other than you. this system..this place is a piece of shit! you are a piece of shit for trying to control everyone's lives like this. how dare you make us wear the same clothes, how dare you make us eat small portions of food, how dare you make us go through painful tests!"
the whole room was dead quiet. the leader watched me with unmoving eyes.
"you're trying to make us into efficient machines that work perfectly...but you have to fucking understand that we are not machines. we are human...and we're not perfect. we should be able to eat whatever we want and wear whatever the fuck we want. it's not your choice, it's ours. it's our fucking life!"
i paused, taking a deep breath before continuing in a softer tone, "no one is perfect..i'm not, she's not, he's not.." i pointed at the leader, "you're not either." he was taken back, a look of uncertainty spread across his face. i continued, "but we can strive to be the best version of ourselves. the best absolute version of ourselves possible! we can be more kind, compassionate, honest and so much more. this can lead us to feel more happiness. we would feel happy knowing that we are enough...we would love ourselves for who we are, instead of trying to be something impossible."
the leader started at me, his eyes were growing wide by the second. jimin was awed by my speech, he smiled at me contently. momo's face grew into a whiter shade, she stared at me with blank eyes.
"that's it...oh, and once again, fuck you," i finished.
there was a moment of silence.
then there was the whistle. the leader pointed at me, making all the guards come racing towards me. my arms were gripped tightly and i was dragged away. my heart hammered against my chest, there no knowing what will happen now.
"dahyun!" i heard jimin yell. he tried saving me but was held down by other men. he struggled against them, yelling my name over and over. i closed my eyes, knowing it was the end for me. they were going to kill me.
the last thing i remember was being thrown into a small dark room.
and then door slammed shut.
---
dahyun wasn't just talking about votty in her speech, she was talking about the real world we live in as well. lemme say this, it took me a long time to accept myself, to love myself. it's not easy, i know, but know that you're all incredible beings and i love you x
just listen to bts, they also want you to love yourself :)
- alunaticdi
