All The Things I've Made But Not Published

6

        Depression:

             My thoughts

I'm not going to lie, I'm fucked up.

I thought before I was depressed before, but now as things start to feel hopeless I think I'm finally figuring out what it means to truly be depressed. I don't want to do anything.

It's not all the time. Sometimes I can forget. That's not most times though.

And when I am happy for that period of time, I'm suddenly re realizing what I feel.

I feel nothing, yet at the same time that pang of sadness and despair is still there.

When I was fourteen I though I knew. Now I'm not so sure that I even know what to do next.

I won't tell anyone though. They don't deserve to be burdened with my insecurities.

Every time someone asks why I don't want to go to school, I'll ignore them. 
Truly though,
It's not the inhabitants of the school. They're..bearable.

It's the act of going to school.

And when I say that, I really mean that it hurts to finally realize you're alone.

Everyday, I'm expected to get up and do shit without a problem.

Eventually, though, depression comes back.

The high leaves you.

You're down, but this time you carry that realization that no one gives a shit.

Before, they cared.  Now, it's like I'm floating around in space without anything stable to keep me from floating away, but thousands of people are there.

They watch, but they do nothing to help.