The way I got back up

Pure

            February 1st, 2016

"Dammit, if the plane doesn't land in 10 minutes I'm really going to pee myself in this seat", a little girl behind me muttered on the flight back to Taiwan. I smiled and slowly hugged my worn out jacket closer to my body chanting, "Calm down Jez. Calm. The fuck. Down. It's going to be fine. The plane is not going to crash. Oh, why did you have to watch all those Youtube videos about aviation incidents just the night before?".

A voice startled me out of my thoughts, "Ladies & Gentlemen, now we're approaching Kaohsiung where the local time is 17:50. At this stage, you should be in your seat with your seatbelt firmly, fastened. Pers-", oh man. I shut my eyes firmly while clutching on to the armrest, my fingers accidentally brushing by the thigh of the man sitting next to me. I mumbled an apology and started my prayers about how I'm going to be a good daughter, get good grades at school, be more optimistic, complain less IF my plane lands safely. Well, we better land in safely or I'll annoy the Dark Lord so much he wouldn't even want me in his fiery depths another second, forcing me up to heaven. Hey, that doesn't sound bad at all!

I felt the plane slowly swaying left and right, and my stomach followed right after. Bundled up nerves, sweaty hands and heart hammering against my chest, I could feel the muscles between my brows cramping up. Change of mind, dying now doesn't sound good at all, I haven't even hugged a cute fluffy Alpaca! How can one- Bang! Okay, that was not a canon, that was just the landing gear door. But what if- nope. Not even going to overthink this one and shit myself.

Hi, I'm Jez, and as you can see, I'm terrified of the take-off and landing of planes. I love heights, don't get me wrong, but seeing the ground come closer to you with every second, is just like the nightmare I get every now and then. You know what I'm talking about, the dream where you fall into the endless abyss. Yes, that one. Only in real life, you'll get splattered like pancake mixture.

...

Screeeeeeech, "FUCKING FINALLY", I screamed under my breath when the tires touched the runway, and took a deep breath. I could feel the stare of the handsome young man ne- hold up. YOUNG MAN?! Since when did I talk like an elderly woman?! Let me rephrase, I could feel the stare of the handsome guy drilling into my temples. "Hey, sorry about earlier, I was nervous", I laughed, releasing my grip and brushed my hair away from my eyes. Wait a second, what if he was just looking out the window and not at you, you narcissist?!

"You don't say", the man chuckled, "I swear I can see the dents on this armrest.". I looked at him and grinned. "Looking good without the frown", he continued, " Were you chanting some protective spell or something? Your body was frigid and the only thing that moved was your lips.", I couldn't help but double up. Suddenly stopping mid-laugh I motioned him closer, "Don't you dare expose me young man, I have lived longer than your great-grandmother. You would not want to receive the wrath of this...enchantress.", I whispered to him, trying my best to hold in my laughter. He grinned, "I wouldn't want any wrinkles to appear on your enchanting face, dear maiden", was his reply. Dammit, he was good. We both busted a gut, receiving a few glares from parents who barely got any sleep because their infants were wailing the whole flight.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, we said our goodbyes. Him to his connecting flight, and me...back to University. I really liked his humor, and some might say we were flirting, but it was all just good fun. I never had luck with men anyways. Now, where is my overweight luggage filled with mostly snacks from my home country? Talking about overweight, I really need to hit the gym soon. "Nah", I said to myself out loud," how many months has it been since you last said that?". Now stop it, I need to focus or I'll miss my huge barbie-pink luggage, a gift from my lovely family, because they know I hate pink.

"You'll be able to spot it easily on the carousels" - Mom
"Yes" - Dad 
"You'll never lose it!" - Sister 
"No one, and I mean NO ONE, would steal THAT from you" - Brother

Oh, how I love them. I do. And dad, stop agreeing with mom all the time. I know you hated it, but you were glad it wasn't for you, but for me. I could just see the breath of relief my dad made when they were all looking at it and decided that it suited me.

I see it! Oh yes, I se-doggo! Wait, doggo at airports is good, but when doggo comes to you, it's not good. What the heck did mom pack for me? Sniffing the ground, it trudged right up to my carry-on and halted. The guard looked at me suspiciously, and the dog was just wagging its tail begging me to pet it (I know it's not allowed to).  "I have cake in there, my mom baked it for me", I blurted out anxiously, even he was startled, "Would you like to see?", I reached for my bag but stopping half-way knowing all too well that my actions were suspicious, just like the bombers I read about so many times in books. "Or...um...sorry. Would you like to check my bag?", I rested my arms next to my awkward self watching my luggage turn the round. "It's just cake, right? Nothing else?", he asked and I shook my head. "Do you mind if I take a look? For safety reason", I mumbled a no and unzip my bag, and behold, the smell of my gorgeous cake wafted through the air, the smell of my weight going up the scale, perfect. "Wow", he said, "that's a very nice cake you have there". I laughed and agreed with him, and I was confounded with myself when I asked him, "Would you like a slice?". Dammit Jez, who asks the security whether they want a slice of cake or not?! "Thank you, but I'm not allowed to eat at work", he said grinning and left.

I just arrived, and already did I make a fool out of myself. But at least I know this cake will love me.

Heaving my luggage off was no easy task, but I didn't grumble, because what lies within is a treasure. Wiping away the sweat that formed on my forehead I proceeded to check the time on my dying phone, "18:52, great, when I get back the only thing open would be McDonalds and KFC. Hold that thought, this is Taiwan, they have night markets! Superb! Should I get boiled salted chicken (鹽水雞), oyster omelet (蚵仔煎) teppanyaki noodles (鐵板麵) or spring rolls (春捲)? All this food, and I'm poor. Dammit!". 

The ride on the MRT back to my station was uneventful, I got a few stares on my luggage, but that's it. Maybe this color was a good idea after all, people would focus on this big pink box instead of me! I checked the time again, 20 minutes have passed, I should be there soon.

"下一站，後驛！Next station, Houyi!"

Ah, speak of the devil. Guess I'm back in Hell at the end of the day.

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Hello folks, I'm motivated to write again. I apologize for my long hiatus, I've been through a bit of a rough time with relationships (family, friends, and lover) and school. I realized to move on I had to get it out my chest and tell this story from my point of view. The only thing I changed in this story were the names of the people. 

Some might say,
"Oh, if you wanted to protect them so much, why write this story?"
"If you didn't want any misunderstandings to further happen, why even publish it online?"

It was a life lesson for me, and how I treaded that open sea, drowned and got back up with air in my lungs again. I made huge errors while trying to move on, and I wanted to share it to people that might be going through the same shit I did and not make the same mistakes.

Mainly, it's to remind myself, when I look back at this story one day, that I am human. And making mistakes is a part of growth because where I am now is where I didn't think I would be.

I hope you will enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

YOU ARE LOVED!

YOU ARE PERFECT!

YOU CAN DO IT!

YOU MATTER!