A Splitting of the Mind

We're Not In Wonderland Anymore, Alice.

Part One:

I think I may have slightly underestimated the consequences of my actions.

Okay, I may have majorly underestimated the consequences of my actions.

Oh well, I do that pretty often anyway.

I released the red lever and it sprung back to its original position with a soft thud. I took a moment to shake a few stray pieces of glass that had been stuck to my shirt onto the ground. When I was satisfied there was no more glass, I scrunched the shirt up into a ball and began making my way back to the cafeteria where I was meeting Frank. I could faintly hear screams and banging over the blaring of the alarm as the other patients panicked and broke out of their rooms.

A very, very tiny part of me actually believed that Markman would let me walk straight past her. That tiny part was obviously very wrong because she reached out and grabbed my arm tightly as soon as I was within reach. I halted next to her and took a deep breath.

"Let me go," I said calmly. I would give her one chance to let me walk away before I used whatever force I deemed necessary to get away from her. I kept my eyes looking straight ahead down the corridor.

"You know I can't just let you leave."

I slowly turned my head to look at her. "Yes, you can."

Markman looked strangely frantic. It was almost like she knew something bad had happened or was going to happen, which was strange because all I had done was pull the alarm, not set off a hydrogen bomb. Either way, it gave me a smug sense of satisfaction to know she wasn't going to have a good night. "I can't," she repeated and started ferreting through her oversized handbag with her free hand looking for something.

I could feel time slipping away from me. Over the loud peals of the fire alarm I could hear the panicked voices of the other patients. I needed to meet Frank. I needed to get out of here. I snatched my arm away from Markman's grip and didn't feel any inclination to steady her as I yanked her off-balance.

"Gerard!" she exclaimed.

"Can't?" I said quietly. "Or won't?"

She didn't answer. Or, maybe she couldn't answer. Either way I didn't care. "If I'm lucky," I said spitefully, "this will be the last time we ever see each other." I started walking away. I wondered if I could ever be so lucky. I had spent the past three years of my life around Markman. Three miserable years. Who knows what would've happened to me if I had never met Frank. Actually, wait, I do know: I'd still be miserable. Good fucking riddance.

"I'm sorry," Markman called after me.

I froze. Now, those weren't exactly unusual words to say to someone when parting ways but it was an odd thing for Markman to say to me. I don't know if I recall Markman ever saying those words to me. I didn't particularly want to turn around and look at her again but the curiosity was plaguing me already. I knew that if I didn't ask her now it would eat at me for the rest of my life. Maybe she was apologising to me for sticking me in solitary confinement for fucking weeks? Or, maybe she was sorry for not believing me about Them.

"Sorry for what?" I said as I turned around. It had to be about Them. That's the biggest thing she could ever possibly apologise for. She had to be apologising for not believing me and trying to make me think I was crazy.

Markman looked sad. That's odd. What did she have to be sad about? I thought she would be happy to know she would never have to see me again. I sure would be if I was her. "I'm sorry for ruining your life," she said. She actually sounded very sorry. How surprising. Though, that wasn't the point. It was what she said that surprised me more.