Time | NCT

Before You Exit

TRIGGER WARNING!
-01:00, January 1st, 2019-

An hour after midnight, people were still celebrating, friends still laughing with each other, lovers wrapped around each other, and crushes smiling nervously. It was a lengthy time to celebrate despite the heavy morning schedules.

"Have you ever thought about what happens after NCT?" Yuta and Taeyong had sat with each other, a bit far from the crowd of people conversing. Perplexed and shocked, he shook his head with no answer to give. Yuta smiled at him and giggled lightly. Yes, Nakamoto Yuta had just giggled at Lee Taeyong.

And it was stunning.

"I've never actually thought about it. I guess it was always to get married and have kids."

"Many people do that as they are idols, you can, too. The problem is, you don't exactly have time to meet someone." Yuta said quietly, looking at the groups of SM Entertainment. Taeyong sat there and started to think for a moment. It wasn't what Yuta said, but how he said it that made Taeyong slightly down.

"What if I already know who I want to be with?" Taeyong turned to him, hope glistering in his deep brown eyes.

"Then be with them, take the risk..." Yuta trailed off as he stared off into space. He hoped Taeyong would someday be with him. Although in this world, things don't go that way, especially to the Japanese man.

The party lasted for another two hours, ending with a tired Mark carrying sleepy Jisung and a yawning Taeyong dragging Chenle to the Dream dorms. Yuta, on the other hand, took an alternate route.

Yuta took a stroll around the area until he reached a small playground. Tears started to fall from his face, and his voice began to ache from not being able to breathe correctly. That room was so suffocating; he was drowning in the happiness of others, the cheers that started to fill his lungs little by little.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" He sat on the abandoned swings. He was the one that kept everyone happy, the one who kept people pleased because those frowns would cause dents in his fragile heart.

He looked up to see the beautiful bright moon. He loved looking at the night sky; it was exquisite in every way imaginable. The way the moonlight would strike the snow and outline the steps of the children.

Yuta adored it, yet at the same time, he hated it.

The moonlight would also trace the features on his face, the scars on his arms, the river of sadness on his cheeks. That bittersweet lunar made him hold his hands to his chest and curl into a ball in the snow.

-At the 127 dorms-

"Sicheng, has Yuta arrived yet?" It's been a while since the eight members have gotten back, so Taeyong was massively concerned about the one missing member. He had asked all of them multiple times in the last hour with a trembling feeling buried intensely in his heart. Sicheng shook his head and gave the leader weary expression.

Not being able to shake it off and ignoring the manager's orders, Taeyong put on his coat. He held a thermos filled with tea on his left while shining a flashlight with his right. The man may have an ice-cold look, but his heart was the complete opposite. All that mattered was finding Yuta before the blizzard came in; it was supposed to be the worst one considering the year just started.

"Yuta! Yuta! Where are you?!" 10 minutes became 30, then became an hour. Taeyong felt like he was getting frostbite and knew he had to go back soon.

Suddenly, he heard hushed sniffles coming from the playground. He started to walk towards it but was afraid that it might have been someone else or something else. Still, he inched closer until he poked the snow-covered jacket with his thermos.

"...Y-Yongie?" His voice was shattered, lips almost blue, hands starting to freeze at the fingertips. He was lucky to have found him on time; otherwise, he might have been too late.

"Come on, let's go back before the night gets colder." Taeyong attempted to pull Yuta up, but he didn't move a muscle. "Yuta, I'm serious. The storm is coming in fast!" Yuta still didn't move and mumbled little phrases, some between 'leave me here' and 'I want to suffer.'

Taeyong gave up on trying to convince him. Instead, he hooked his arm under Yuta's skinny legs, giving Yuta his mug. His expression turned dark in the dreary night. The way back wasn't as bad for Yuta since he fell asleep on Taeyong's chest. It did start to snow, yet it seemed as the gods had answered his prayers and the worst didn't come until they got back.

"Kun, go run a hot bath. Taeil, go fix up some warm clothes for him. Doyoung put this in a pot and heat it back up. All three of you, be as quiet as you can. I don't want to wake up anyone else." He whispered, handing Doyoung the mug.

"Yuta, wake up. We're back home, okay? Kun is making up the bath for you, all you have to do is undress and slip in." Yuta nodded but didn't say a word. He hated people seeing him like this, all vulnerable and teary-eyed.

"C-Can you leave or at least turnaround? I don't want you to see me..." Taeyong smiled and patted his cheek before leaving to the bathroom, checking the temperature and turning on the heater in the bedrooms. He trekked back to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob. Should he open it? No, it would be invading his privacy! He wanted to know, though, and it took a slap to his face from his hand to shut his brain up.

Yuta began to undress, shivering at the warm air flooding in. As he took off his shirt, he traced the small scars that covered his waist. Usually, he would put makeup to cover them, although this time he didn't. It was winter, and he rarely wore short sleeve and flowy shirts. It was mostly sweaters and long sleeve shirts that took over his wardrobe this time of year.

"If I'm going to at least try, then I need to tell someone. At least, that's what I've read... Enable to get better; you need to let people be by your side..." Yuta bit his bottom lip, hand on the doorknob and forehead pressed against the wood. "Taeyong, I know you're there."

"Don't do that again, please... Promise me, Yukkuri." Taeyong's voice quivered in restlessness. The bags under his eyes increase. He was exhausted and cold, yet he still had the strength to be as worried as Jisung before his exams.

"I can't promise you anything, Yongie, but I can try my best." Yuta could hear Taeyong's chuckles through the door, also listening to a tiny sob.

Taeil, Kun, and Doyoung watched the scene unfold in front of their eyes. They looked at each other and shrugged before leaving to their beds.

The ground was covered in snow, sky overwhelmed by frozen clouds, and hearts filled with confusing emotions.