Monster [Book One]

Chapter 9

This is going to be a more solemn chapter so prepare yourself! 

Chapter Quote:

“You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Take you out and stuff something else in? You know what it's like to be unmade?”

~Clint Barton in The Avengers

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Chapter 9

Annabeth 

After our dinner and drinking contest, Bucky and I became much more comfortable around each other.  He wasn’t so formal with me, he would joke around more, he asked a lot more questions (in particular about Steve), and to me, I believed I was beginning to see the original Bucky Barnes coming out, slowly but surely.  Of course, there were times when I had to remind myself that no matter how much he remembered, Bucky would never be the same guy he was back during World War II; he’d been through and seen too much.  This would be especially true if he retrieved his memories of his missions as the Winter Soldier.  I worried about what would happen if he found those videos… I had them on my computer, security videos that happened to catch him.  I’m not saying all his missions were caught on video, but some were, including his attack on Steve, Sam, and Natasha.  I hadn’t told him about them.  If he wanted to know about his time as the Winter Soldier, he would ask.  I wasn’t going to bring it up.  Was it the right thing to do?  To keep it from him?  I didn’t know for sure, but knowing how he reacted to Steve telling him he was Bucky Barnes, I honestly worried about his reaction to finding out his actions as the Winter Soldier.

I was currently putting my hair up in a ponytail because I’d been getting sick of my hair getting in my face every time I looked down when Bucky called for me.  His voice sounded… off.  I headed into the kitchen.  He was sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at me laptop.

“What are these?” he demanded, turning the computer around.  I glanced at it, feeling my heart practically stop.

“How did you find those?” I asked, staring at the image of the article on Howard Stark’s death.  Bucky had found them.  The files on his Winter Soldier missions.  This was not good.

“I clicked on the wrong file.”

Sitting down, I asked, “Are you going to watch the videos?”

He nodded. “Unless you’re going to stop me.”

“You and I both know I wouldn’t control you like that.”

He glared at me before turning back to the computer.  Bucky clicked on a video.  It was of Howard Stark’s “car crash.”  Except for the flaring of his nostrils, he showed no emotion.  The next video was of him killing a nuclear scientist who was being escorted by Natasha Romanoff.  The Winter Soldier shot right through her to kill the scientist, and succeeded.  Bucky still remained emotionless.  He watched a few more, ones I’d only briefly read about.  He somehow managed to avoid clicking on what I considered the worst one for him to watch until the end: him fighting Steve for the first time.

When Bucky realized what video it was, his eyes almost appeared desperate.  He hastily hit the play button and watched the montage of clips.  The first to show was him standing in the middle of the street, waiting for Nick Fury’s car to approach.  The Winter Soldier fired a device which hooked onto the vehicle, effectively partially blowing it up and causing it to flip onto its roof.  As the Winter Soldier, Bucky simply stepped aside as the car skidded past him.  The next video was of him jumping onto Sam Wilson’s car as he was driving with Jasper Sitwell, Natasha Romanoff, and Steve Rogers.  Bucky threw Sitwell out of the car and ripped the steering wheel out of Sam’s grasp (now I understood Sam’s comment to Bucky when we were at the Smithsonian).  The Winter Soldier jumped back onto the truck chasing Sam’s car.  Now Bucky’s face began to change from emotionless to regret, and his breathing was getting heavier.  But when he glanced over at me, he tried to hide his reactions.  That didn’t last long when the video showed him stalking Romanoff with an M-203 when Steve leapt over a car to knock the weapon out of Bucky’s hands.  Bucky rested his chin on his fist, partially covering his mouth in attempt to not react to what he was watching.  But when the end of the security video showed him attacking Steve with a knife, trying to punch Steve with his metal arm with Steve barely blocking the hit with his shield, and finally, Bucky trying to cut Steve up with a knife and managing to punch him instead, the expression on my comrade’s face was one of pure mortification.  He covered his mouth in his shock, his eyes remorseful.