Anything for Her - Complete

Chapter 10

"What?! NO Roza! I know I fucked up, but I need you to forgive me. Please! I love you. I never stopped loving you, not even for a moment! I know I've damaged your trust in me, and I regret what I said and did so much. I didn't mean it, and I'll do everything I can to show you I believe in you." Dimitri burped Lara and put her into the bassinette beside the bed, turning to face Rose urgently. "There's nothing for me at Court if you're not here. Please give me a chance to earn your forgiveness. Let me come with you!"

"I love you, Comrade, but as far as everyone is concerned, I am a liar, a cheat, and a lousy Guardian to boot. I made my choices, and I have to live with them, but I'm not going to drag you down along with me. You have one of the top guarding positions in our world. You've worked so hard for so long - you deserve your success and thanks to the way things have turned out, being with me will only bring you harm."

Dimitri stared at Rose incredulously. In their seven-year history, they'd never been so at odds in the way they felt except, perhaps, after his restoration when he told Rose he'd given up on her. Thinking back to that time, now, Dimitri recognized Rose was attempting to do the exact same thing as he had then. She was willing to sacrifice her happiness believing it would secure his. Dimitri didn't say anything for a moment, slowly collecting his thoughts.

He'd had a pitch planned out weeks ago - he'd thought about it for months before he left Russia - but since then events had overtaken them, and he hadn't had need for it. Until now. But if there was ever a time, this was it so hoping Rose would listen to what he had to say, even though he'd not afforded her that luxury, he started.

"Roza? Are you happy?"

"Right now?!" Rose snorted, the question taking her by surprise. All but penniless, jobless and soon to be homeless with a newborn in the midst of saying goodbye to the man she loved? No. Right now Rose wasn't doing so great.

"No, I mean before all this. Before Lara, were you happy with your life? With our life together?"

"Yes. Of course!" Rose replied almost defensively.

Dimitri nodded, his face thoughtful.

"Well, I wasn't."

They looked at one another as Dimitri's heavy words sunk in.

"What?" Rose whispered, shocked to her very core. She'd always felt her life with Dimitri was idyllic. They got to experience something most Guardians never did – a life shared with someone they loved. The thought that Dimitri might not have been satisfied with their life together was devastating.

"I had a lot of time to think in Russia, and I hate how we work twelve-hour days six or seven days a week, so by the time we have time off together, we're too exhausted to enjoy it. I hate how we can be ripped away from each other at a moment's notice with little or no consideration for our feelings and wishes. I hate we're paid so little yet have to risk and sacrifice so much. We can't make any long-term plans, because we're not in charge of our own destinies. It feels like, seven years on, we're still two people stealing time to be together whenever we can. I hate living like that, Roza."

Rose didn't bother to deny it. That's exactly how it was. The difference was while Rose had rejoiced that they'd been able to experience everything they had, knowing it was more than most Guardians ever enjoyed, Dimitri had apparently begrudged they couldn't have more.

"When I was in Russia, I thought that when I returned you and I could take a leave of absence for a year or two. I was going to talk to you about it when I got back. I'd thought we could travel around the country, just the two of us? I imagined we would go by motorbike, but maybe now with Lara, we could buy a van or an old RV?"