better off alone ➶ huang mingho

i.

[PROLOGUE THING]

i sighed, my hands resting on my stomach as my eyes fixated on the ceiling. my dads hands caressed mine in a calm way of telling me it'd be fine, but worry was shown on his face.

my mom was staring at me, a half smile on her face but yet there was worry shown on her face too.

it was the day. the day we checked up about my cancer.

it'd been getting worse, all the symptoms and such. it was a known fact from the start that if it was starting to get worse, it'd stay like that. they weren't able to fix it and we were warned from the start that i'd probably only have so little time to live.

i was scared. i wanted to be a normal child, i wanted to be able to run around outside in the summer, screaming and yelling. i wanted to sneak out at night with my friends and party all night.

i wanted to make mistakes and learn from them, but now the littlest mistakes can lead to big problems.

my cancer brought me down so low that i couldn't do anything except wait.

wait for the day of my death..

the door to the hospital room flung open revealing a semi-worried doctor.

"miss julia, right?" he asked as he looked up, trying to force a smile onto his lips. i slowly nodded, sitting up as i stared at him.

"hmk.." he pulled his chair out from under his desk as he plopped down onto it and continued to scan through his paperwork.

"just..please get to it. we're ready and we need to know.." my mom said as she gulped. the doctor nodded, taking a deep sigh before looking at me.

"miss julia [insert last name bcuz i can't think lmao] its been revealed that its getting worse, right?" i slowly nodded, getting quite annoyed. i didn't want to wait. i wanted him to reveal the truth, leave, and move on.

"you've reached the worse stage of it. meaning theres not much we can do and you may not live any longer," he pushed his glasses up as he looked at my now shocked and saddened mother. her face made its way to my dad, burying it in his shoulder.

he slowly caressed her head, trying his best to calm her down.

"how..how long do you think i have?" i fiddled with my fingers as he sighed quietly, probably thinking.

"we can't quite tell. this is a death related pro yes, and death can't quite be told when it'll come. yes we can estimate but with this its hard. you've gotten too far in to where we can stop it but we may be able to help it some more. all in all, your end may not be soon. you could have days, even minutes left-" with the thought of only me having minutes, my mother gasped.

she violently shook her head as she tried removing the thought. the doctor tried to secretly glare at her as he was a little annoyed by her interruption.

"or weeks, even years left. miss julia i want the best for you, this is a horrible situation your stuck in right now and no teen should have to go through it. i've heard you haven't told anyone, and thats fine. but maybe talking to others about it could help? keeping things like this all stocked up inside of you won't do a thing except bring burdens. you need to let it out, let the thoughts run free."

i stood up, the annoyance taking over. this is me, not him. i want what i want for myself, and i definitely don't want to share whats happening to myself right now to others. people at school don't quite like me as i'm too quiet and supposedly a nerd etc, and the last thing i need is the kids at school thinking i'm a big germ and they could catch the cancer from me.

"no! of course not! what i'm going through at school is horrible, and telling them this will just make it worse. i don't need a therapist or whatever. i'd rather have bottled up emotions then spilling them out to some kid who'll only pretend to care so they can go spill everything to someone else. now, please answer me in a real way. not just some excuse. how long do you think i'll live?!"

he sighed and stood up too, reaching for my hands as he placed the clipboard down in them.

"read for yourself.." and with that he left.

i immediately sat down and scanned through the paper, my parents peaking over my shoulder.

dear mr. li, we have been told about the problem with miss julia zhang [a/n: i tried coming up with a last name lol] and her cancer. as your her doctor for the day, we'd like you to have a small talk about this. we're warned that its getting worse, and we're now well aware that she's at the worse stage. its sad to think of how sick she has gotten, but its time to reveal the truth. theres not much we can do to help her now, so the best we can do is sit back and let the cancer take over. as bad as it seems, its the only thing we can do. we've given her medicine and all the things we should've, but its only gotten worse. its predicted that if it gets worse, she may have about maybe 1 week left to live. you don't have to reveal it completely but please warn her. the last thing we need is for it to come unexpected and put the family in sorrow. i'm so sorry that it had to come to this for her, we truly tried our best. every human deserves a chance to live, no matter what they've done but now remember we all have to have a time to leave. she may be at a young age, but this is gods plan for her. once again, i'm truly sorry.

down at the bottom i saw the words 'i'm sorry' written in ink and the edge of the paper soaked with what was thought as tears.i

it was truly horrible to think that that was most likely his hand writing (saying i'm sorry) and his tears, but i couldn't let it get to me.

instead i slowly nodded and stood up, leaving the room despite the fact that my parents were still in there sobbing.

NOTE:
:)))

sorry for the sucky first part lol. credits to my friend -lovey for helping with the plot and the idea of this chapter!

i also didn't proofread this so i'm sorry for any grammatical errors.