past 3 months

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by bennypart

by bennypart

Saturday 25th August 2018,

it's been more than a year and a half since I met her . it was really a.. i dont know how to express it . it was a phace in my life . i still can't believe how i drove myself into that. i dont know if it was love or just attraction but I believe it is love and i was possessed by that feeling which I believe is love. it's been 3 months since I spoke to her , texted and all sorts of communication ended on or around April 22nd . and I went through hell since that day . i started skipping meals , crying all night , cried like a baby when mama don't buy you what you want . i lost 5kgs and still can't gain them back . i waited a lot for her message since our communication ended , I asked her friends about her new social media but I'm not the type of guy who reaches out even when the other person don't wanna talk to me or face me . i just wanted to know because if she really has created new social media and didn't contact me then maybe it's hard but I need to take steps towards moving on . her friends told she dont have any and so i waited for her suffering mentally emotionally every sec , my every thought was her . from waking up to dreaming only thoughts was her . i use to imagine what would i do if i see her . always these thoughts about her used to run through my brain like I'd we cross paths unexpectedly or meet in a party or church or a park somewhere , would she run to me and give a tight hug or she would pretend like she saw nobody and so on to infinity endless thoughts used to run through my mind . one evening I think it's may or June .I'm not sure about the months . i saw her , she was wearing red top and a black jeans I guess laughing on the backseat of a scooter . a tall fair guy was driving it . i couldn't believe my eyes it's still like it's happening before my eyes . i was broken . no i was broken already i was broken and shattered. they seemed so happy riding scooter and thought them ran through my head for so many days . i was going to a park near my home with my cousins and I thought going out with family would help my emotions a bit . and that whole evening I pretended that u was happy but I was not . i dont know if it's me or to everybody if something not really good happens then I just don't wanna move even a bit I wanna stay in the same position . that day it was really hard to breathe and I was playing with my cousins at the park running. every step I walk felt like I'm walking with 1000 tons of weight on my back. it happened (seeing her) just when I started trying to forget and move on . my mood was really off for days . i told my friends about seeing her with another guy and few were like take it easy and another one is like "she z a bitch I already told you to stay away from her ". i just wanted a little support and I heard she created new Facebook and keeping up with her friends and the guy she left me for . if people would really change I don't understand why they promise that they would never leave forever .I'm the type of guy who never play with emotions and if the other person loves me and I don't love them I don't like to break it off but I will love them once again and if dont love anymore then I start over again and I expect the other to do the same . for me this is true love . a few weeks ago I saw her Instagram but I don't want to fall in that trap again . so I blocked her then she sent me a friend request on Facebook but I decided not to do that mistake again . i took a screenshot of it and sent it to my friend and he was all angry and yelling at her . I'm glad that I at least have one friend that cares about me, my happiness . i was like " how could she expect me to accept her friend request and start that shit again , does she think I'm just like another thats interested in her or what". she changed the person I was . she turned me from a innocent happy kid to a over mature teenager . i think nobody went through things like I did due to a girl . thank God I didnt do anything wrong running round her . it was really really painful really emotional..i went through major depression and I became things i never wanted to become . i never wanted to beg a girl to be in my life but I did .and many more .she never stays on one word she has two faces nowonder she is Gemini . she is the worst Gemini ever.

.....it all started on 2016Christmas.....