ranting-

1

         It was in eight grade where we were taught the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy, having meant feeling pity for someone, while empathy is understanding what said person is going through.
        Having said so, when you're in a tough spot, would you rather have an empathetic or sympathetic friend? That may vary from person to person, some of us may feel support through a sympathetic message while others may believe "this person doesnt understand a thing I'm going through, so why should i listen?"
        How you take advice doesn't determine how good of a person you are. It's commonly seen where if a person compliments someone and they reply dully, they're an asshole. Every person takes compliments and advice differently. To me, saying you like my shirt may have a greater significance to me than to the next individual, or perhaps I won't take the compliment into acknowledgement as I may believe you only said it out of pity.
         But furthermore, if for example I was failing a class and didn't know why, a sympathetic person may wish me good luck even though they don't know what its like as they're an A student and always have understood a concept. An empathetic person, however, has either been in that positon at one point or currently is in it. They might give you advice to how they got through it (someone else that has gone through what im going through.. Their opinion and advice has always been the strongest to me) and even if they dont know how to fix it, they'll be there to figure it out with you.
          Does it make you a bad friend to not show empathy? No. You can't control what bad experiences you go through. I believe the best option is for a person in a tough situation to find someone empathetic. Every person has their pros and cons, they all fit like puzzle pieces and if your friend's piece doesn't fit into your situation, maybe they'll fit later in life. But then again: For some, empathy isn't important. Sympathy and empathy are almost the same thing to people-- they could care less if a person has been through it. They just need someone to tell them they're there to support them and everything is alright.
         I wish I could be that person. There comes plenty of problems in my life where the only support I have just won't help me. I'm deemed as selfish, I'm told to be grateful. There are some times that, no matter how hard I try, I won't feel anything.
       The words people say mean nothing. The things people talk about dont excite me. It doesn't make me a sociopath. I just can't feel.
        Like how people that can't feel physical pain may beat themself up to feel, I sometimes bring myself to sadness in the desperate hope to feel anything. After the sadness, there is a small amount of time I'm happy. Perhaps it's only around 5 minutes, but its better than zero.
       Those moments are why I'm still alive. My depression is at a point where plenty of times I've questioned why I haven't gained the courage to use the intellegence I have to make a fool proof suicide, the neglection I get at home could make it so easy. There are a lot of bad things I could so easily do, but don't.
        The world doesn't revolve aroubd me. I am not the sun, I'm not even important enough to be a planet. I am a moon, rather.
        I don't orbit the sun. I orbit somebody else. I watch as they steal everything I once had and use the little amount of things I was once good at to excell, meet people I always wanted to meet, do things I was always too scared to do. Watching people feed off of you just to steal your dream is perhaps the worst feeling for a person to ever feel.
       Knowing my dream and my life is meant for them, I want to leave. I want to become one of the stars in the sky, not as a metaphor, but as a reality. Perhaps if I was lucky enough to be close to Earth, I could watch over my family. They would look at the night sky and never know another white dot was me, they wouldn't know even though mistakes were made I was still there.
        My family, one of the few reasons I'm still alive, but also one of the many reasons I don't want to be.
        As I end this chapter in this story, I know it isn't going to be the end to this chapter in my life. I'll wake up in the morning in the same situation as always, in the same pain as always. As I end this story, I'll promise I won't end my life with it. I'll wake up in the morning, and even if I don't want to keep breathing and keep going I'll do so anyway.
It's a painful promise, but it's there. I'd bid my blood on it, as I have nothing else to lose.