obsessed | e.d

nineteen

|ethan dolan's pov|
*better than yourself, lucas graham*

so today it's the big day; i'm talking to grayson again.

honestly i don't know how i feel, everything is just so weird.

i'm scared that there is going to be an awkward silence around us.

but i hope i can fix things between him and.

a feeling of nervousness, anxiety, is traveling my whole body.

i'm already dressed, i just have to put my shoes on.

i put them on, i harshly grab my car keys and drive to the resteraunt.

while my eyes are glued on the road multiple thoughts are going back in forth through my mind.

what if everything gets worse?

what if i ruin everything again?

he''ll never love me again.

i just want to be happy.

here i am, next to my brother's car.

i get out of the vehicle, slamming the door and locking it.

every step i take is giving me anxiety.

i see him.

he's sitting at the table where we usually sat on.

i wave my hand at him, and he did the same.
i started getting closer to the table until i decided to sit down too. now we are face to face.

"hey" he stopped making eye contact with me.

"how are you?" i ask hoping not to sound too weird.

"uhm, i'm good. what about you?" he said softly.

"this is what i wanted to talk about."

"oh" a surprised expression covers his whole face.

"do you remember alenne?" after i said that i immediately feel regret towards what i'm doing right now.

"uhm, yeah." he seemed confused.

"well-" i swallowed the air in my throat and took a deep breath, my eyes were again facing his. "she- she is my girlfriend"

"wait, what?"

"yeah" i really have no idea of what to say, i probably should've not done this.

what is wrong with me?

"are you serious?" his eyes widened causing me to feel bad again.

"yes" i wasn't feeling proud, at all.

i finally had what i wanted, her.
but seeing my twin's brother reaction made me feel bad about everything i done so far.

"how did that exactly happen?" he started playing with his thumbs.

after taking a deep breath i started explaining how things went for alenne and i. i'm regretting everything, every single little thing i've done.

and those thoughts are back again.

you'll ruin everything.

he doesn't want you.

he hates you.

shut up.

"ethan i'm-" i didn't want to listen but i had to.
"i'm really happy for you, i'm happy that you feel better, even though i made the wrong decision i hope you can still forgive me."

"grayson, what are you even talking about?" i say confused.

"i wasn't there when you needed me, i just made things worst for you, i can't even think about how bad i could've made you feel. i made this huge mistake, e i'm so sorry, i really am."
his voice cracked, like he was about to cry.

"gray, it's ok. don't worry about that, i'm happy now." i smiled at him, hoping i could make him feel better.

"e, i'm happy to talk to you again." he hugged me tightly.

the feeling of anxiety finally went away, i was more relaxed and i felt complete.

"we should get out of here" he chuckled.

"you're right." a genuine smile was plastered on my face.

i'm happy.

hi guys,
sorry if it took so long to update but i was stuck, i didn't have many ideas for the chapter. i also started working on another book, which will be published when i'll finish this one.
i really hope u enjoyed the chapter.
ily :)