Ink Stain

Jasmine

Reds and oranges flutter to the pavement. A palette of leaves lay at the feet of children as the season's change hits into full swing. October 9, a cool breeze whizzes in the air, lifting the leaves from their rest to take them elsewhere through the neighborhood. The rising sun now bringing a bright yellow glow over the trees, and the metal sign's glare blinds those who are unlucky enough to meet the contact.

Jaz was used to it though. By now, she had learned the routine to make it through the day with the best case scenario. She was a casual observer, one who listened and watched rather than speak and gossip. Sophomore year felt the same as the last few. Same people and same classes. And same silence. The silence she never broke, that kept her lips sealed shut for years. Not once speaking to a soul. Even if she had to, she drove them away, made herself feel shitty. Jaz wanted to pretend she wasn't weird. Wanted to have a normal interaction, but that could never come. Not for her.

She tried to be pretty, but she knew there was so much to hide. Jaz never had a relationship last more than a week or two. And the relationships she did have were long distance. Nothing close or tender. It always left her with a pit in her stomach, she painted the image in her mind almost everyday of the guy she thought she could love. She tried to paint herself as the match, but her imperfections were too horrible. She never saw herself falling in love.

Jaz stopped at the intersection, her high school just ahead with her classmates and other piers entering through the front. She sighed and waited for her opportunity to walk. She looked down at her forearms, the flannel sleeves covering them. Swallowing and taking a deep breath, she put her hands in her pockets and looked up at the light. Her hair swept over the side of her face, it was messy and curly in certain places. The dark red color contrasting with her tan skin. She reached up to rub her chin, feeling the dark mole just under her lip. Her face was not pretty. She knew it wasn't. She hated how round her nose was, and how people always assumed she was a guy based on how similar her face was to one. It was a little insulting at first, but now it was just common. Not like people discussed it with her directly.

Jaz's day was not that different from any other day. She sat and got talked at, sat and got talked at, sat and got talked at, and sat and got talked at some more. The vicious cycle of boring sophomore year was becoming dull. Though, Jaz knew there was nothing more for herself. Nothing more to being a student. Nothing more to being Jaz. Jaz was nothing special. Nothing important, or talented, or worthwhile. The day dragged on, until 3:45.