How it Feels to be In Love With You

Friends Don't.

   Today I listened to the song Friends Don't by Maddie and Tae for the first time ever and now I've been listening to it on repeat and thinking of you.

   You're my only daydream.

   You've been my best friend since I was twelve years old, even if you've lived 1,027 miles away since you drove away the day before I turned thirteen. Very little has happened to change that.

   You're still the only person I have ever been in love with.

   I know you haven't an idea because I talk with so many other boys and occasionally you hear about them through rumors or because I have no ability to keep a secret from you when you come to visit in the summers, but I swear those boys are only to distract me from you.

I'm trying so hard not to pine over some boy who I can't be with.

But it's not working out well.

And I feel a little pathetic.

   But then I think of how well you always treat me.
  I think about when we played hide and go seek in the dark but you spent a whole round standing there just holding me close.
   How you're not dating anyone up there and how you hinted with your expression that it was because of me and am reminded of the guilt I feel for not doing the same thing.

  It is so much more difficult when we never actually say how we truly feel.

  So this is how I feel:

   I still have never been closer with anyone else in my whole life than I was with you.
  I've never felt more loved by anyone and no one has ever made me feel more safe.
  No one has ever been more protective over me or kind to me or made me feel truly special like you do.
You helped me heal a lot of my brokenness and showed me how to fix myself when you were gone.

  When I used to see you I would get butterflies in my stomach and smile like a goofball. Now when I think of you I get this warmth and peace inside me because I have faith that I have someone out there who was made for me and I'm so glad that it's someone who is as good as you - Even if you only think of me as a friend, and our chemistry is merely something I've imagined. - I couldn't ask for anyone better, and that's kind of why I haven't told you how I feel for real. I don't want to be just another one of the girls who throw themselves at your feet - I want to be the one with you in the long run, whether it's friendship or as a couple.