The Girl That Found Love Again

Chapter 1

After that night, she went on with her daily life but with a heavy guilt she carries on her shoulder.

She resumes her high school life with her classmates and best friends .

She join in the family activity like nothing is wrong with her.

She put on that smile on her face whenever she's around with her friends and family.

Lot of time, she wanted to tell her best friends about what had happened to her yet, she have this constant fear to which her friends might feel disgusted and detached themselves away from her.

With that thought alone, she decided to keep this to herself, reminding that she brought upon herself.

Even her own mother couldn't look at her in the eye. Maybe, she is a disgusting being after all.

'Maybe ....I don't deserve living at all.'

She was slowly killing herself.

She lost her trust to others.

She lost her determination in the things she loves. Her love for drawing. Her love for baking. Her love for reading books.

She lost her confidence that used to shine so bright,that it is now rather dim like a weak candle light, ready to go out.

She lost her emotions, only left a few like her anger, guilt, self-loath, fear...

She lost her real smile and laughter.

She put up a facade for the past 4 years ,until she graduated from her pre-college school. A facade that portrays a strong girl that no one will mess with, but on the inside, it's nothing but negativity of herself.

In the midst of her pre-college, that man appeared suddenly at her home, in her room that he took advantage on her once as most of it happened at his own home where there is no one bothering him with his sick intention.

Her whole body froze as she looks at him in fear and hatred. He looks at her with a sense of guilt in his eyes, slowly approaching to her like she is some kind of scared creature that could bolt anytime.

"I'm having some trouble and I dropped by your place until your mom gets back from work."

Not uttering a single word , she just gave a small nod before turning away from the man to sit in the living room.

She could feel his stare and she couldn't take it and decided to take some air at the balcony . At least until her mother gets back from work.

Everything was calm as she looks down from her 16th floor flat, where the night market vendors are setting up their stalls for business later .

"Yuko."

She was shaken out from her stupor with the voice she despises. She turns to find the man standing beside her, with a few inches away.

"Listen ...," he continues, "I hope you can forgive me for what I've done and... let this be -"

She wasn't listening after the word 'forgive' . He wanted her to forgive him for what he had done. Those countless humiliation he had bestowed on her .

Her body was starting to tremble and the man was about to reach out to her shoulder but stopped when the girl's grandmother asked her to buy some dinner at the food stall that is downstairs.

She quickly make her escape, silently thanking her grandmother for saving her from that man.

One thing that was running in her mind ,

'Why did mother let this man into our home. Most importantly, OUR room?'

By the time she got back with her take-away dinner, the man was gone and her mother was home. She assumed the mother talked to the man before asking him to leave as she happened to stumble upon her mother at the lift and telling that man is making her feel uncomfortable.

That was the last time she seen him.

Her nightmares got even worse on that day. It was set of flashback with one of many of the man's cruel doing on her. It was as if she could literally feel him touching her every part of her body.

She sat up, shaken awake by her nightmares, covered in cold sweat while breathing heavy. She looks around her dark room with a little light lamp, beside were her mother and brother sleeping soundly.

She went out from the room to the kitche to calm herself down with a cup of water. Her eyes glances over at the knives at the nearby kitchen sink, safely kept.

"Don't they look..useful?"

"What..."

"Wonder how deep it'll cut...on your neck..or maybe ...your chest?"

"I don't-"

"Oh come on, you honestly want to know...don't you?"

"N-no!"

"It'll help with your nightmares...come on, it'll be quick before you know it. "

Without realizing, the voice tempted her to reach for the knife, holding the blade close to her neck.

"Do it...do it do it do it do it do it do it ..DO IT YOU DIRTY SLUT!!"

"NO!"

With a halt, she pulls the knife away from her neck as she pants, trying to suppress the voice screaming in her head.

That was...her first attempt of suicide.

The pain on her chest was throbbing as if it could burst out any moment. It was painful . She did something she never thought she would do in her life. Not for someone like her.

Raising her left arm, exposing her bare skin, she brings the kitchen knife close to her upper arm ...and cuts a line that soon appears from pink to deep red, as blood slowly trickles out but not to the point it bleeds heavily.

It numbs the pain in her heart and head.

Of course, she couldn't possibly do that unless she was alone. She developed another way to numb herself; peeling the skin of her fingers to the point it bleeds. But it helps with numbing the pain.

'If this helps...then..it's my only aid.'