My Darling Jacob

Jacob,

I couldn't sleep last night because I realized that you're coming home soon. It's been two years and I'm having to face all of these feelings I've always had for you again. Sometimes I like to think back to all the fun we had in kindergarten playing tag and trying to outrun each other. I think back to the third grade when I shared my pudding cup with you, or how in fifth grade when you made me feel better after those bullies made me cry. At church camp that summer where I had my very first slow dance, it was special because it was with you! ("I'll Be" is still one of my favorite songs and I can never bear to skip it even to this day.) I remember how I felt that June when you asked me to the eighth grade dance and my heart soared. I should've told you then. Soon enough, high school came and you went to San Juan Hills and I went to Tesoro. We only saw each other at Seminary or at church each Sunday. I missed you. Then came the golden hair and gentle curls... I realized I should've told you long ago. I looked forward to the Seminary parties because that meant I got to see you when you picked me up and I'd hear your amazing laugh that makes me go weak-in-the-knees when I'd literally fall into your truck because it was too high and I'm far too short! I especially loved your BBQ chicken pizzas. You make the best BBQ chicken pizzas ever and I still haven't found one nearly as good as yours. High school graduation came, you got your mission call, and left to serve the Lord and I so admire you for that. I only wonder what'll happen next. Will you stay with her? Find someone else? Should I tell you how I've always felt ever since we first played tag all those years ago? I can't because it would possibly ruin our lifelong friendship. I saw you the night before you left at the mall with Mariah. You were at Haagen-Dazs sharing a milkshake. She had wrapped her arm around yours and was laughing, tilting her head back, at something you said. You were smiling and seemed incandescently happy. You always told the best jokes. I can't say I was broken-hearted because you can't be broken-hearted over something you never had. I just wish it was me. Jane Austen said it best, "The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone." It's true. I like you, sweet, darling, wonderful Jacob! There is no one like you and if you ever tell Mariah you're through, I'll be waiting for you.

Always,

 Alicia