99 short stories

#1- Grief

"Gerald was a great friend. He was always kind and grateful for everything. I will miss him," I finish, stumbling off the stage.

I put my sixth rose down on the grave and left. I didn't write much on the card but I know that if he saw it, he would love it. I feel like I should have written something more emotional, with feelings, everyone else did. But inside of that card this is a sentence that will be in my heart forever.

To Gerald, with lots of love from Samantha.

Everyone is always asking me these same questions over and over again, 'are you alright, do you need someone to talk to, are you sad, or did you love him' but I only have one thing I want to ask them. One sentence, one question.

Why did he do it?
Why did he take his own life, why did he do the one thing no one wanted to happen. I loved him and I know he loved me back. All the times we were together out in the park at night, watching the sunset, the stars and the sunrise, all the times we went out for a romantic dinner, and he said he loved me. But why Gerald? Why...

It's been a few months now. I still can't get myself to go on trains. They haunt me in my dreams every night. It was always hard to understand my mother's grief when my father died. He was a horrible man, never respecting her or listening. But when he passed she was the saddest I had ever seen her. And now I know. It's like your heart was finally loved by someone and the second your happy, your heart is ripped out of your body and you never find it ever again. Like knowing something was once there but you will never see or feel it ever again.

Of course there were the rumours, about if I pushed him, or if I never loved him I just wanted his money. But they're never true, they're just rumours. But I guess it's just how different people cope with the lose and grief in their own way. I have my own ways. But it still hurts when someone he new looks at me like I'm a monster, like they could never trust me ever again, like I should have fallen with him. It hurts so much but they will never understand the guilt I feel. The guilt that I was not there. That I could not be there for him, to stop him from doing the unthinkable. But I wasn't. I was at home curled up in my blankets. Waiting for him to come home. And that is how I have delt with his loss. To blame myself so I can forgive him and love him. To feel guilt and grief for him.

I feel like I've tried everything to make me forget But none of it works. I am just too tired to try anything else. My last hope is to see if writing will help. Many people say that It does but at this point I don't really care. I just want something to do. But my gut wont let me do anything I am starting to feel like I should just stay hidden away in my room all day, watching movies and feeling sad. But No, no I can't. I need to be strong, I need to face my fears and get over it. It will be hard. It'll be very hard. But I must do it, I must say goodbye to him forever and never look back.

I've been standing next to the gate to the cemetery for half an hour now. Just looking at the graves. I don't know what to do, should I go in, should I run and never come back. What should I do? No, I shouldn't run, or hide, I will go in there and face my fear. I will go to his grave, yes I will do that. Wait a minute, what is that. There are some blooming roses on his grave. No, there are a dozen blooming roses. There is a note. No, it's not the roses I put down at the funeral. No they were different. But what is on the note. Could it be from Gerald. No, no, no, it can't be. But it was...

It's time to let go Samantha, it's time to let go
-Gerald

It has been a few weeks since I went to the cemetery and I haven't thought about it since. I am working now, in a flower shop. It is great fun. But I am still missing something. Something from my heart. And I know it will always be there, always be in the back of my head but now I have just learned how to live with it. Now I see this hole as a sign that part of me, where ever it is, is still with Gerald and that he will never be alone again.

I hope you rest in peace my sweat angel. I will see you soon my love
-Gerald.

Authors notes-
So this short story I wrote a little while ago and I just wanted to put it up for my first story. It isn't the best so please feel free to give me advice on how to do better. I don't really know how often I will put a story up but I will just have to see how fast I can write.(; thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.