Before It's Said

5

  "I'm sorry."

   "...Wake up, wake up, wake up, Mori..."

  It was so quiet, so quiet that it hurt his head. Everything else had disappeared. The people, the road, the car. It was all gone. It was just him and Morinaga, in a sea of blurry nothing.

  "You can't be dead..."

  Morinaga was quiet. A final, ragged breath left his kōhai, and everything became still. Pervasive, the wicked cold stole Morinaga away.

  "You can't be..."

  Tears flowed so heavily, Souichi couldn't see. Morinaga's eyes were closed. His face was peaceful, like the expression of...

  Death.

  He was cold, and the happy atmosphere that always floated around him was gone. In a strange way, the sight was beautiful and horrible, all at the same time.

  "No, no, no..."

  He shivered in the darkness. His denial, that shield against overwhelming grief, collapsed, broken by what he saw.

  He held his kōhai gently, bowing his head. He was gone. It was too late to apologize, but he did so anyway.

 "I'm sorry."

  He placed a kiss on those cold, blue lips. The last kiss he'd ever share with him. Morinaga's lips were rigid, seeming to reject the warmth that Souichi wanted to bring back.

  "I love you, Senpai."

  Gasping through a river of tears, he embraced Morinaga. The last time he would share an embrace with him, forever. And, his kōhai was so cold, so rigid.

  His breaths briefly blew at Morinaga's hair, and, crusted in frost, it barely moved.

  Morinaga was the only person outside of his family to stay nearby, weathering Souichi's rages. The only person who didn't run away from Souichi like he was some kind of demon.

  Why hadn't he been thankful?

  I was always such an asshole to him... How did he even put up with me?

  He buried his face in Morinaga's shoulder, breathing in his scent. It was already faint. He didn't want it to go away. But, heedless of his desires, it was already dispersing into a wind that wasn't there.

  "I'm sorry."

  He had tried to keep Morinaga at arm's length, because he had been scared. But, he was a light that could push away all of the fear, all of the darkness.

  "I'm sorry."

  He clung to something he never realized he needed until it was gone, forever.

  He was so scared, now. The darkness crowded him. It was so scary. It was so cold. The warmth of Morinaga's arms had flown into the wind that wasn't there, forever.

  But he still held him. He didn't want the happiness to go away. But, no matter how much he tried, the warmth was already gone. The light faded away, forever.

  Carried away by the wind that wasn't there.

  "I'm sorry."

  A spark of clarity entered his soul.

  "I don't want you to go..."

  And, with that, the voice screamed, searing itself into his mind.

  "Don't go!"

  "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no!"

  With that, the voice, his voice, echoed forever.

  Everything broke into ten million shards, then blew away in a wine that wasn't there.

  Forever.