Winterskin (Book One of Wrath & Winter)

A Measure of Worth: Part One

Elisedd and I depart from the party just as the court enchanter graced everyone with his magic imbued presence. On the outskirts of the farms, we watched hand in hand at how the moonlight glanced over white-brown snow. Up above, the stars are out and singing. Behind us, a cavalcade of pops sends the audiences awed voices curling toward the sky.

It is beautiful. We are beautiful. In this moment, our world is beautiful and I want nothing to change.

Elisedd has been looking at me for some time now. Etching my face and body into his memory. I met his gaze after a while. Smiled up at him as if I had had too much ale.

He pulled me to him, then. Slinging his arm around my shoulders. "You're going to do fine in there."

I snort, "Are you saying that for me, or for yourself?"

"I know you, Kat." Deft fingers rubbed my shoulder, "You're powerful, though you'd like to hide that. You've got more than a shield and ax at your fingertips."

"Don't do this." I said, "Please."

"If you get in a bind, you need to use your magic. Promise me you will," he took his arm away and faced me. Braced me with both hands on my shoulders, "Katell, look at me and promise."

I've done it before. Froze fire and speared that other vamp to death. But if one of the younglings saw me use my magic—that would be it. Eva and Maddy would be taken. Gram's cabin would be raided. Gram would be burned.

"You don't understand." My voice wavered, "Look," fireworks exploded into a thousand blazing rose petals in the sky, "Gram would get burned at the stake for doing that. But him?" I shrugged, "Hear that? He gets applause. A bright-eyed crowd."

"Then why join the Guard? Why grow more roots here when you—every part of you—won't be accepted?"

He's staring at me so intently that I'm tempted to shrug him off and run.

But I don't.

And damn am I stupid for it.

"My mother died here."

Silence. No pity, just respectful silence.

"Gram speaks with the gods and according to them she had thirty years left." I blinked away tears, "So, for twenty-five more years she's got to care for my mother's grave. Tend to it. Commune with her. If she leaves before the time is up...," I threw up my hands.

Only the crickets sang as Elisedd pursed it over and over in his mind. His eyebrows rose as he finally came to a conclusion, "That is how frail human magic is?"

I nodded. Without her magic, Gram was just like the rest of us. And she could never, ever, be normal.

It's just twenty-five more years, she'd say time and time again, then we will leave. Then I will leave.

And, until then, the threat of fire hung over all of our heads.

"You don't have to stay."

That's it. I can't. I peeled his hands off of me, flinging them away like dead leaves.

"Remember that dinner we had? The food?" I spat, "That was thanks to my stipend. Now, imagine if I just disappeared." I snapped my fingers, "Then, who would provide for them? How would they eat, Elisedd?"

"You forget how capable people are when they're forced."

"And that's just it!" I exploded, "I don't want them to be forced! I want them to be cared for!" I didn't need him to say it. I could feel it. That feeling of control I always need. Like a girdle that holds everything in, keeping my body from deflating.

Is it possible that my constant meddling has stunted Maddy and Eva's growth? That both girls were capable of so much more, but I was stealing that from them? Giving them a better life at the cost of their independence?

Elisedd sighed, "You should sleep well tonight. In preparation." He held out his hand.

Tight-lipped, I took it.

"You're a good person, Kat. A powerful woman." He brushed his lips over my knuckles. Reached up to brush hair from my face and I let him. "Why else would I feel this way about you?" he chuckled, "You're like a dragon. You just don't have your wings yet."