she fell out of love..

Fake Love is Hard

**

Why cant I focus.. wtf did she just say.. ugh

Its because of him.. Im sick of him.

Why am I still with him.. im fucking miserable.

Thank god ten minutes left..

I need to break up with him at lunch. Im so miserable in this relationship. Im only with him rn because we have the same friends. I don't want things to be awkward.

Jay sat in her physics class arguing with herself. She had reached a mental block.

It was miserable being with her boyfriend Nick. But at the same time they had the same friends, if she broke up with him the whole last month of sophomore year would be an awkward dramatic mess. 

But is that really better than hating coming to school everyday.. pretending to love someone.. kiss someone you cant stand...

Yes, anything is better than that but she didnt know that.

**

I need to do I need to break up with him. I dont love him anymore just do it bitch.

The class was finally over.

She sauntered out of the class to the place where her small group of friends sat at lunch. But no one was there. After a few minutes people started to show up but still no sign of Nick.

So she just sat in the sun waiting.. ignoreing everone around her lost in thought. Her friends could tell somthing was wrong. Instead of smiling and making jokes. She was still.

Quiet..

It wasn't like her.

Five more minutes went by and Nick finally showed up. It was time, it was the end.

"Nick can I talk to you for a second"

"Yeah sure"

Jay pulled him away from their friend group to a small corner a few feet away for privacy.

Ok ok Jay its time you can do this, you dont love him, you dont even like him! Youve been thinking about other guys its only fair for both of us.

Im tired holding his hand announcing that we are together.

Im tired of not feeling! I want to feel again... i want to feel again.. i need to feel again.

Just say it 'Im not in love with you anymore'

she couldn't say it..

She tried

Multiple times after this

For the next month.

Fake love is hard...

But it kept getting harder.

She was depressed as fuck, for many different reasons but faking love is so just.  Mentally draining.. its terrible.

Why the fuck did it take her more than a month to realize this.

Why didn't she tell someone what what was wrong..