So I just wanted to talk, I mean I've never actually told you guys anything about me... So here it is.
I have a HUGE fear of silence and loud noises. I guess silence has always just made me scared... Especially when my dad's mad at me and I'm just waiting for the impending doom of getting yelled at again. As for the loud noises I know it's because of people yelling at me. First grade was when it started, I had a teacher Ms.Idon'tcareaboutyou and I had worked on some classwork before an art project. Both were due at the end of the day and we had about 10 minutes to work. So I was working on the class work and when I finished we only had like 2 minutes left so I hurriedly did the project but didn't finish. Ms.Idon'tcareaboutyou got mad at me for not finishing both tasks and yelled at me. However what made me terrified was how she didn't single anyone out, just me. Then I went home, keep in mind MsIdon'tcareaboutyou called my dad, and I got yelled out by my dad. Ever since then I have been terrified of silence and loud noises.
I also have severe paranoia, insomnia, and trust issues. I've always been paranoid... I don't know why but I always feel like I'm being watched. It's like there are two cold holes in my back, I feel it. It's also the cause of my insomnia... I have trouble sleeping because I feel like someone is watching me. That's why I'm often tired. You can tell, I have bags under my eyes even if I feel energetic. As for trust issues, I'll put this in simple terms. Yes, I will accept you as a friend, but that doesn't mean I trust you. Take my best friend KandyGirl73, it took me three years to trust her. She understands completely I guess that's why I trust her...
I'm not straight! I'm pan.
Another thing is I am always on the verge of tears. Kandy if your reading this I know I seem emotionless but I really am happy when you make me laugh. It's just most of the time I'm dwelling on the past, present, and future. You have stayed by my side through three completely different phases and I applaud you for that. You were there for the quiet phase, the robot phase, and the... emo... phase. It's just even though I don't act like it I'm always chocking down tears.
Something to my readers or anyone who sees this. I have stopped writing for a while just because of stress and as I mentioned before paranoia. I feel like I'm always being watched and right now I kinda don't so here I am. Another thing is I kinda twitch when I'm alone or with a few people. The best way I can describe it is this ball of ice deep in my core. It builds up and I just. twitch.
I also want to just tell all of you if you ever have problems and just need to talk I WILL be there. If your paranoid, worried, or just need someone to talk to I will talk with you. No one deserves to keep everything inside. Somethings you just need to get of your chest. Kind of like I just did. It's kind of funny really I wrote over 600 words, including this, just alking to you guys. Thanks... It really helped
