My thoughts are always messy. Organising my thoughts requires mental energy that I don't have therefore I let them run wild. They go anywhere and everywhere. There's no particular destination in mind. If I can avoid the darkest places of my mind I'm happy. I spend my time running away from my life. I'm scared of the world, scared of what is to come, scared of everything the world has to offer but more importantly I'm scared of myself. I don't like the person I am but if things never change then I'll be safe right. Ignoring these complicated feelings and hiding away from the world is okay right? It's not like anyone has any expectations of me. I'm not worth worrying about therefore it's okay that I don't change. Dealing with all the feelings that are welled up inside is too much trouble for this reason I decided to never express these feelings and pretend they don't exist at all. Maybe then I can kid myself into believing that everything is okay even if everything is falling apart inside.
