Spinning || Josh Brozzesi

thirteen

JOSH

"Josh! Let's get a picture with you and Jess!" Mom says, holding her phone up. She makes the hand motion for Jess to scoot closer to me and then she tells us to smile and say cheese before she presses the button and the phone makes the shutter noise, the light flashing bright.

It's so fucking hot out, but here we are, standing in nearly a hundred degree weather in these long ass, bright yellow gowns. The hat is itchy and I can't wait to take it off and underneath the gown, I'm wearing a dress shirt and dress pants with my dad's old dress shoes. I'm holding my diploma in my hand because of that, all of the uncomfortableness just kind of fades and is background noise because I finally graduated.

"Okay, one more with me and your dad!" Mom says, her smile as wide as the ocean.

She rushes over to me while Dad follows behind her and they pose beside me, Dad with his hand on my shoulder and Mom with her lips on my cheek.

Jess takes the picture and holds her thumb up in the air.

"We're good!" She says, smiling at us.

"Oh, look," Mom says, trying to get my attention. "There's Jade and Jayden."

"Why do our families have to have so many kids that have names starting with the letter J?" Jess asks, her face scrunching up in confusion.

"Well, Noah's name didn't start with a J," I say, shrugging. "Lucky kid."

Mom scowls at me and I mean no harm by what I said, but I understand why she gives me the look. She's very sensitive about Noah. I mean, I am too. I just don't like how we have to tiptoe around his name or talking about him.

"Hey," Jade says, walking over to me. "So, we did it, yeah?"

"We sure did," I say.

I pull her into a hug and she hugs me back tightly, kissing my cheek.

"I hate he's not here to see it," she says into my ear. Pulling away, she smiles sadly at me.

"Yeah," I say, sucking in a breath. "I guess he kind of is here - ya know? In a way. I hope he's proud."

"He is," Jayden says, walking up beside Jade.

They still haven't made up from last weekend. They're still mad at each other and it honestly pisses me off.

They said some really hurtful things to one another, but they're siblings. Brother and sister. They honestly fight all the time. Why can't they just make up?

"I'll see ya at the party tonight," Jade says, smiling at me and turning away to walk over to our parents and Jess.

"She's leaving tonight," Jayden says, walking over to stand by my side.

"Really?" I ask him. "Why is she leaving so soon?"

"She's tired of staying here," he says. I look over and I see him taking out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He asks me if I want one and I say no. He lights one up and puts it up to his mouth.

"What do your parents think about it?" I ask him.

He shrugs his shoulders.

"They don't want her to do it," he says. "But they also know they can't stop her. None of us can."

I nod, looking over at her and Jess as they stand near our parents, talking.

"I'm gonna miss her," Jayden says.

"You guys are still mad at each other," I tell him.

"Yeah," he says, puffing our smoke. He takes another drag. "But that doesn't mean I can't miss her."