Tokyo Is Our Vegas // Brolby

九

| | N I N E | |

" 私が壊れているとき私を覚えて "

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I don't care if you hate me for saying something, for telling people why I've been like this.

You don't control me. Not anymore. I won't let you.

You walked away, not me.

I won't mention your name, I'll let the guilt do it for you. They deserve to know.

I hope I never talk to you again, the you that I thought I knew. The liar. I never want to see that you again.

Or, if I do, I hope I make you regret every decision you've ever made.

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Colby hit post without much thought, making the video public before grabbing his keys and phone and walking to his bedroom door. The video was about ten minutes long, if anyone in the house was going to watch it, which he doubted, he wanted to already be gone. His wallet burned in his back pocket, containing all the money he had found scattered around his room. He picked up his jacket from where it had been thrown across the kitchen table.

"Where you going?" Sam asked from the couch, playing video games. Colby looked up at him, his blue eyes looking anywhere but his friend's eyes.

"Out."

"Oh, hey isn't it your posting day?" Sam tried to make conversation, not noticing the way his friend nervously shifted.

"Yeah, I just posted my video." Silence hangs in the air for a second as Sam reaches for his phone. "Anyway, I gotta go, I'll see you." There was a tired rasp in his voice as he spun around and headed toward the door. He lets it shut behind him, his heart pounding as he realizes his friend could go running after him at any second. He slides into his car after he opens the gate.

His hands grip the steering wheel as he backs out, remembering to close the gate again before he gets back in. No music plays. The only noise is the faint city sound and the engine of his car purring in his ears. He begins to drive away, thinking about the video he had posted.

Tokyo...

His phone begins to buzz as he counts down the minutes, fans already going crazy. At a stoplight, he closed his eyes, already wanting it all to stop. He opens his eyes as the light turns green, glancing around to make sure that the incoming traffic has stopped before pressing on the gas pedal.

L.A. had always been so pretty at night, the light pollution giving the city a domed effect had always mesmerized Colby. It wasn't like Japan, flashing neon signs lining every road, but it was home.

Finally, he caved into the radio, pressing the power button in order to break the thick silence in his car. Without it, he felt lonely, or, lonelier than he had usually been these days. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

"I woke up in Japan, feeling low, feeling lonely~" the lyrics streamed throughout his car, tugging at his heartstrings as he realized that his car had slipped the radio and gone straight to Bluetooth. His Spotify playlist had begun to play automatically. His mind wants to drift back to Tokyo, he doesn't let it. "The best I ever had, it was more than half-empty. It was more than just a neon weekend~"

Dancing bodies grinded against each other, neon lights flashed as foreigners-native to where he was- screamed out English lyrics as best as they could. Colby would admit, their pronunciation was pretty on point. The boy he had been kissing pulled away from him, gripping one of his wrists tightly. Brennen leaned closer to Colby's head, whispering in his ear, "why don't we get out of here, babe?" Colby hadn't expected it, but he found himself nodding along as Brennen dragged the two outside, his camera clutches tightly in the hand that didn't hold on to Colby. The blue-eyed boy found himself mesmerized by the gesture, unable to believe that he could call the man he was following behind his.

"I'm cold..."The boy whines, hanging off of Colby's arm. Colby let out a light laugh.

"You want my hoodie?" He was already in the process of taking it off, handing it to Brennen as soon as he was done. "I'm not cold, don't worry." He said in response to the shivering boy's questioning look. Brennen put the hoodie on as Colby watched.

The cold boy inhaled the scent of the fabric. "It smells like you, you smell like Tokyo, did you know that?" Brennen whispered into the fabric, but Colby could still hear it. The boy smiled.

Colby thought back to the things he had said in his video as he neared the edge of town, almost gone in less than half an hour, must be a new L.A. record. He had hardly gotten any traffic.

"I...well....I haven't been honest with you guys, with myself, or with my friends..." he had started, not even using his regular intro, staring down at his floor rather than the camera. Colby had wrung his hands together nervously. "Lately, I've been thinking about Tokyo...and what happened while I was there." He looked up at the camera, dark bags underneath his eyes that he was sure the camera could capture since he saw them in the view finder. His blue eyes stared directly into the camera, as if he was looking at Brennen. He spoke, not mentioning any names, about what happened. About how he smelled like Tokyo, about cherry blossoms and regret, about every little thing that ripped his heart in two, he spoke.

Finally, he had ended it, sitting down, still staring into the camera. It didn't feel like it had been only ten minutes, he felt like he had been talking for hours on end. He could talk for hours on end about Tokyo. But, alas, he was soon done.

"You know who you are, I hope you're watching." He glanced down, a tear rolling down his cheek. He looked back up. "I know you're watching." Colby smiled softly, it was bitter and painful, he knew it, but he still smiled as he said. "I hope Los Angelos eats you alive, because Tokyo clearly didn't affect you at all."

Colby left Los Angelos behind him, music softly playing through the speakers of his car. Tears rolled down his cheeks the more he listened to his phone buzz against the seat next to him. Eventually he pulled off to the side of the road, the streets quiet as he leaned back in his chair, exhausted and overwhelmed. He didn't even have to look at his phone to know everyone was talking about him, they were worried. He granted his phone a single glance before having to look away.

Tokyo crumpled in the seat of his car.