Change - Erlu

New Job Worries

I DON'T OWN FAIRY TAIL. HONESTLY, I WISH.

Erza's POV

"So, how's your day going, seventh?"

I look over my shoulder at Lucy and smile. Levy, whom I was going over duties of guild masters and paperwork with, seems to read the atmosphere and excuses herself.

"I'll just... go help Lisanna hand out drinks." she says and leaves.

Everyone is taking a quick break from building the guild hall. We were making very good progress and besides the one fight I had stopped, everyone was now getting along and catching up.

"Hello Lucy. Shouldn't you be refreshing and replenishing your strength like everyone else?" I say as I sit back down and turn to the papers. There sure is a lot of work to do. Lucy steps to the table I'm working on and sits on it. I look up at her and she smirks.

"Is that an order or a question?" The corners of my mouth quirk up.

"For anyone else it would've been an order but you've seemed to make a habit of not listening to me recently." I say and begin writing.

"Well seems now I'll have to, Master." I don't look up but I can practically feel her radiant smile.

"Congratulations Erza." she says and I finally raise my head. Her expression is sincere and happy but as I scan her face I notice something else. Worry.

I sigh. She always did know just how to read me.

"What's up?" she asks, partnering the question with an adorable head tilt. Damn it.

I don't say anything right away. I just look at her, deciding what issue I should address first. Finally, I begin.

"I'm not sure I'm as cut out for this position as everyone else thinks." I say quietly.

Lucy nods and I take it as a means to continue.

"Makarov was one of the ten wizard saints. He was never afraid and always knew how to handle a situation. And..."

I hesitate.

Should I reveal it? To her? Before I can chicken out, Lucy puts a hand on my shoulder. I look at her and she softly smiles at me with warm eyes. My heart swells and I continue.

"When I came to Fairy Tail he was the first person to show me true kindness. He didn't pity me or pry for my past or question why I did things. He just accepted me and gave me a home. Ever since, he's always been someone I felt I could go to in times of trouble and... and he's our father. Everyone in the guild loves him so much and... and... he became our light that we looked to. I... I have no idea how to be that." I finish and close my eyes. It's out there now. And though I am terrified of the response I do feel a bit of the weight on my shoulders being lifted off.

Nothing happens for a while. Lucy doesn't move or say anything and neither do I. We can hear the other members laughing and sharing stories of the past year with each other.

I feel a hand against my cheek and Lucy moves my face so that I am looking straight at her but I don't open my eyes. I can't stand to see judgment or pity in those warm, beautiful chocolate brown eyes that I've come to lo-

"Erza." she says firmly. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter.

"Erza, look at me please." And I open my eyes and when I do, I immediately have to fight back the tears that build. Lucy is looking at me not with judgment nor pity but with understanding and kindness. She smiles at me and I just stare at her.

She hugs me. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my face to her shoulder buries her face into my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze tightly. Her hair smells like vanilla and her body is warm and it can't be too comfortable to hug me while I'm wearing my armor but she just holds me tighter.

I feel a drop of wetness on my neck and I panic. Why is she crying? Did I do something? Should I let her go?

But then she says something that makes my whole world stop and focus on the celestial mage in my arms.

"You're my light."

I relax and can almost feel the worry and stress slip out of my body. It feels like that statement gave me the ability to take down armies.

We stay in each other's embrace for a while. Not too long though. Not long enough.

When she lets go of me, she gives me the brightest smile and my heart skips a few beats. I smile back.

"Thank you." I say and somehow her smile gets even bigger.

"Anytime Erza." she says sincerely before she gets a mysterious glint in her eye. "Although... only on one condition."

I chuckle.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I get the first dib on the best job when the guild gets work started again." she replies.

"Deal." I say and hold out my hand to shake which she does.

I look at her grinning at me and a pang of guilt shoots through my heart. My smile falters and I try to hide it but of course she notices.

"What is it?" she asks and all of a sudden her smile is gone and she looks worried and I almost scream because I want nothing more than for her to be happy.
The guilt is a constant pain now and I'm about to blurt it out.

"Lucy, I-"

"Erza! Natsu's starting a fight again!" Levy runs to us and I let go of Lucy and take a step back. Lucy takes a step away from the desk she was leaning on and stares at me.

I ignore her gaze and instead focus on the blunette who is switching her gaze from me to Lucy and back. I sigh and go to teach those fools a lesson but Lucy grabs my arm to stop me.

"Erza, wait!" she exclaims and I turn my head to look at her. Her brows are furrowed and I can see the hurt in confusion in her eyes as I retreat back into myself.

"We'll talk later." I say and gently remove my arm from her grip.

I tell myself that I don't notice the way her shoulders slump or how her hand moves up to clench itself in a fist over her heart or how it doesn't feel as though with every step I take away from her, I feel as though I am stepping farther away from who I want to be.

I tell myself this but deep down in my heart I know,
I am lying.