Just an Illusion

If only...

Dear You,

You're probably wondering why I'm writing a letter, but I just couldn't tell you this in person. I've known you for a while but we've never been close. We've had conversations here and there but that's kind of it.

Isn't crazy how one person can mean everything to you but you mean nothing to them, you feel me? Like how with just hearing their name your heart just races, how with them saying the slightest thing it makes you feel so safe. How the butterflies in your stomach go all crazy when they look your way. Like your feeling so down, yet in someway you encounter them and you feel as if you could do anything or your worries are no more.

I'm pretty sure you know where this is going, but I just wanted to tell you that you mean something to me, actually no scratch that, you mean EVERYTHING to me, your the king of my world.

You know those dumb or small conversations we have, they might be pointless to you but they mean alot to me. With just one look or one glance at me you make me feel as if I meant something to you, as if maybe just maybe I had a chance, that I am worth it. I could just hear your name and feel all types of ways; my heart races, I get all nervous, i feel my cheeks heat up. I feel like i'm on cloud nine.

Man, I don't think you know what you do to me. You know how many times I've thought of scenarios of you and me being something, at least just as friends and nothing more and that would be fine as long as I had you in my life. Or how many times wished I had said something, or how I wish you actually noticed me because you genuinely wanted to.

My heart just tears to pieces seeing someone else talking to you because I wish that was me, or when someone makes you laugh because I want to be the one who brings you happiness, or when someone hugs you because I want to be that person you find comfort in, the one you can put your head on their my shoulder when you feel down, but I'm not and that breaks me...

I have to pretend like I don't know you because you'll never feel the same way. I've cried myself to sleep so many times, days and you were the one I was thinking about.

Just knowing someone one day will walk into your life and make you feel the same way I do, is soul crush, heartbreaking because i will be left with the thought that I was never good enough for you, that I couldn't call you mine.

Why...

Just why?

Why wasn't I good enough?

...

Ha I fell for someone who didn't catch me, but it's ok, it was my mistake not your.

                                                                                                        With love,

                                                                                                                            Me