My day starts with getting my book beside me. Trying to focus because today is our final exam day. I was scared of not passing this term. Lahat ng quizzes and midterm ko bagsak wala ni isang pumasa.
Kaya today i want to prove myself that i'm not "bobo". Siguro kinukulang lang talaga ako sa oras mag adjust sa environment ng course ko. Kasi Humss student ako before and Accounting ang kinuha kong course which pang ABM talaga.
Pero wala naman kasi talaga silang pake kung anong problema at reason mo kung bakit ganyan nangyayari. Basta ang alam lang nila ikaw yung laging bagsak at dapat ng mag shift.
It was hard. Really hard that everything i do laging nag f-fail.
Kinakabahan ako. Nakaupo lang ako wala akong kinakausap na parang di ako yon kasi madalas nakikipag usap talaga ako sa mga katabi ko but that day. I cant even mutter anything.
After the exam i know na hindi mataas ang makukuha kong score but still hoping for a good result. Kasi last chance ko na yun. Na sana kahit isang exam lang may mapasa naman ako diba.
I texted my friend slash friend close to having realtionship. Mag uusap lang kami day and night. Nag simula to nung april 1. April fools pa. Mag kakilala na kami before he was may classmate nung gradeschool and close naman kami dahil seatmate. Pero syempre di tumagal dahil nagkahiwa hiwalay rin after namin mag highschool.
So we started chatting na nga andun yung kilig ramdam mo talaga na gusto ka niyang kausap. But this past few days or weeks? Month na ata. Nag bago na he started getting distant. We started getting distant from each other. Nawala na yung usap mag damag.
I miss fighting my sleep just to be with him. Kasi ngayon im fighting my sleep just to make sure na may text ba siya sakin. Baka biglang mag message gusto ko maka reply ako agad. But hindi eh hanggang sa naging ganito nalang kami. Kailangan ng reason para lang makausap siya and minsan ang awkward na.
Hindi ko alam kung gusto parin ba niya ako. Siguro kasi wala kaming label. Siguro kasi di ako ganoong maganda. Hindi ako ganoon kayaman?.
Nasasaktan ako. I don't have anyone to share my shit. Hanggang dito nalang.
Nasasaktan,
Xoxo
