I'd been facing this whole girl thing since I was in eighth grade. Going into ninth, more towards the end of the summer, I wanted to change and I wanted to be a better Christian but I wasn't being a Christian. I swearing on Gods name. I was cussing like a sailor when I wasn't around mom. I stood at this crossroad and didn't know which path to take. I knew I wanted to be great when I got older. At this crossroad I felt to paths one where I could be whatever I wanted to be do whatever I wanted to do with who ever I wanted to do it with and the other, I could take a step and try to follow Christ. Well, I wanted to do both and I tried to do both. I kept a Bible app on my phone from July maybe early August till November or December. I opened that app a couple of times when I felt sad or something came across my social media including the end of the world. I never used it to study, I never used it to learn the word of God. I used to message you and have you explain to me what your church had talked about that day and that was it. Through all this though, I'd wing out petty want prayers. Until I had reached a point in my depression where all I wanted to do was die. Then I prayed for God to send me someone to love me and take in love and care for all the kids I considered in my family at that time. He sent me someone, who I got attached to but he had to show me that, that's not what I want. He had to show me what I need and what I have. He had to carry me through a storm to find who I want to become. I want to be known for what I done for other people, not what people done for me. I want to be known for how I helped others people, not how I helped myself. I want to be used as a vessel just as God had used you and others to reach me.
