Wherever You Are || #ToAllTheBoysContest

Wherever You Are

To The Boy Who Left,

How are you these days? We haven't spoken in a little while. I'm not sure if communication between us should open up again, but here I am scribbling down my thoughts anyway.

The other night I walked past my city apartment window and the sight of the night sky caught my attention. Like any normal person, I aimlessly gazed up at the stars wondering what my future holds for me. Suddenly, I was transported back into thinking about you. I still can't figure out how my mind did that. How it naturally floated back to you.

I honestly haven't thought about you in years specifically since the first semester of college when you wouldn't answer my calls. It didn't matter how many times I called or if it was an emergency, you wouldn't answer. What the hell was that about?

I don't think we'll work. I don't think we're enough. I'm not worth it.

I can still hear those words being said to me by you. Your voice haunted me like a ghost from fake love's past. Those soul-crushing words ruined me. Temporarily. I had to pick up the shards of my heart and glue myself back together.

When I was in college, I used to fall asleep hugging my pillow pretending it was you, but knowing that's the closest I could possibly get to ever being with you again. After you broke it off, I noticed I cry at everything more easily now. It could happen during a light conversation or when I'm belting a song while driving in the car. I tear up and have this burning sensation in my throat that I can barely speak.

Do you know what's even sadder? They say when the love is real, you can't walk away. But you did. Maybe it only seemed like the real thing to me because I was wearing rose-colored glasses that masked who you truly were. I was a fool.

You broke my heart.

I have to end this letter here. If I keep going, then I'll never stop. I don't really know why I had the idea of writing to you. Maybe I still have some subconscious unresolved feelings for you tucked away in a bottle just hoping the cork doesn't pop off. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love another guy as much as I loved you.

If I ever get the guts to actually send this to you, please burn this letter so there's no trace of contact between us. I'm serious.

Oh gosh, I hope this is the correct address. I'm already embarrassed enough for even writing this love letter if you could even call it that. I know this is all over the place, but you did once say you liked my crazy scattered thoughts. But I just wanted to say that wherever you are, I hope you're happy.

Sincerely,

The Girl You [Thought You] Left Behind