namjin fluff-shots 🔆

나는 너를 위해 충분하지 않다

I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU

[in which namjoon's low self-esteem prevents him from accepting love, and jin insists on being the one to fix it.]

<><><><>

two sweaty bodies fell back onto a soft mattress with a thud. 

the headboard groaned in protest as jin rolled over, wincing slightly as he reached out a hand to entwine his fingers with those of his boyfriend of four years, namjoon. he played with the slender hand, tracing over his cuticles, bringing it up to his lips and letting it rest there for a while as he allowed his shaky breath to steady again. he kissed sweetly in between namjoon's knuckles, then smiled widely and kissed his forehead, and the apples of his cheeks, and eventually his lips, with namjoon chuckling in amusement the entire time. 

"my turn?" jin finally asked, when he was lying on top of namjoon, fiddling with his flushed earlobes and pecking his jawline every half a minute. a seductive smirk pulled at the corner of his lip as namjoon grinned in agreement - but in that same second, the smile fell, his beautiful dimples swiftly melting back into his hamster cheeks.

jin felt the concerned frown on his face before he even thought about why; his love for namjoon had come with the instinct of needing to keep him happy, healthy, and safe, and it had grown to become a sixth sense rather than something that needed any thought. he gave namjoon's sticky palm a tender squeeze, murmuring his thoughts in worry. "why not, babe, is something wrong? do you not feel like it?"

"i do! of course i do. i'll always want you, you're so damn hot." he lowered his voice greatly before whispering, "and that's half the problem," so that jin wouldn't hear. 

namjoon's voice was husky and broken after sex, and jin swooned. "so why not, joonah?"

a sigh escaped namjoon's lips. "because i'll feel bad."

wild and intrusive thoughts that heightened jin's insecurities rushed into his head, his bewilderment increasing rapidly as the words left namjoon's mouth. "bad?! why on earth would you feel bad?! i do love you, you know, so fucking much, am i really bad at showing it?! i'll try harder, i swear! do i not seem to enjoy sex?! because i do! i love you pleasing me and i love pleasing you! do you believe me?!" the surprise in jin's voice was apparent, and namjoon hurried to correct himself.

"no! jinnie, that's not what i meant at all," he cooed slightly. "it's not that i think you don't enjoy it. it's just that, like-..." 

namjoon found himself trailing off, failing to find the correct words to comfort jin, but realised that nothing about the upcoming conversation would be comfortable for either of them. he was unwilling to end his sentence and justify himself, but forced himself to continue when jin gave him the strength through squeezing his hand once again.

"it's that... and i know you're not going to accept this, but i'm not... like- well, let's face it," he let out a sigh, "i'm not handsome. i'm not cute or pretty either, and my body is so ugly to look at, but in my opinion my face is even worse."

now that he'd started, his rambling didn't seem to want to stop. "and like, especially because we're together... even though it's been four years, people still feel the need to tell me that you're way out of my league, and it's not even that i don't know that, because obviously i know that you're a blessing that i don't deserve, but it just sucks that you have to deal with me looking like this all the time too. has anyone ever told you that your standards are really low? because i wouldn't be surprised... in the slightest. like, even my family thinks i did too well, and that you'll leave me eventually."

namjoon finally breathed again, into the silent air of jin's thoughts, waiting for his boyfriend to reply. he knew that they would be having a serious conversation when jin didn't cut him off as he started being pessimistic - in fact, it went both ways.