Jin has anxiety and panic attacks and tries to get through the school year with his close friends helping through out the way. Each boy has their own struggles, but they help each other out.
His anxiety makes him distance himself from the other boy...
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Sunday 9:30 pm Last day of summer before school
I sigh as I throw myself on my bed and close my eyes. My heart was beating fast and I had the all too familiar uneasy feeling in my stomach. The whole day had been stressful. Not only the day, but for the whole past week I could only feel stress and anxiety over going back to school. Just the thought makes my body feel heavier and tears cloud my vision. Blinking my eyes quickly to try to get my eyes to stop watering, thoughts and worries for school to start pool into my head.
During the summer, my parents had desperately tried to get me out of the house to run errands, but I would get to nervous and have an anxiety attack before we could leave. Just the thought of people looking at me and judging me, absolutely terrified me.
Ever since about this time last year, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder. My parents have been extra protective over me and try everything they can to try to take away this burden from me. They always tell me how they wish they could have the old happy and confident child that I used to be. Which I don't know if they know, but saying those things actually makes me more insecure and feel less comfortable sharing what's bothering me. I mean I truly am grateful for all that they have done to help me, but they are wasting money for appointments, medicines, essential oils, bio feedback strips, and the list just keeps going.
I could just be calm and working on home work, when all the sudden my mother comes running in with bottles of lavender oil and weird strip things. "Look honey, I got you some lavender oil. I saw online if you rub some on your wrist or under your nose you will naturally feel calmer, isn't that amazing sweetie? Also look at these, these are bio feed back strips that you attach to your clothes and they will report to your phone if you are feeling tense and you need to take a few breathes. Also you-" it never stops, ever.
I also don't like when she talks about it to other people. Like I understand if she wants to warn teachers or let people know if I freeze up, I am not ignoring them and being a total dick. But even if I understand why she would tell others about my "problem", it does not stop me from being very annoyed. The whole world does not need to know what I am struggling with.
I also am very ashamed about me being this freak that can't do anything anymore. I just feel useless and I feel like maybe I am a bigger burden on my family then my mental illness is to me.
Like literally, I am ruining their lives. For example, my mom tells me that she feels like she can't leave me alone anymore because when she is gone, she worries if I am okay or not without her. Then, my dad always has to cancel his trips with his friends because his friends bring their sons with them, but I am too much of a freakish baby to leave the god damn house.
One of my biggest worries for school to start is that I have avoided my friends all summer. When they ever invited me to do something, I would tell them that I am on a "trip" when really I am at home on my bed. My bed is like my safe place, a place where I can be comforted and somewhere where I can drown my crying with my blankets and pillows. That way my parents don't have to hear my crying and worry about their useless son.
