whatever it takes • gravity falls

aftershocks

Blood's pooling at the corner of his eye, steadily streaming down his face and past his chin to the ground. Two, five fingered fists, one broken and one not, are wrapped around the handle of the sledge hammer. He reels the hammer back and brings it full force forward, smacking the body of the portal with a nasty jolt running up his arms. He doesn't feel it. He doesn't feel anything.

He's stopped crying a while ago, before Mabel and Dipper had quietly told them they were going upstairs to clean themselves and get some sleep. They told him it wasn't his fault. He knew better.

Again, he had got his stupid hopes up and he was tired. Tired of heartbreak and tired of wasting his energy on Ford. Ford was never coming back and he needs to just fucking accept it already.

He had the funeral long ago, for god's sake, with the wrong name on the tomb stone. He's cried all the tears and then some. But his stupid heart kept beating and that meant he still cared for Stanford.

Stanford was never going to escape him. Haunting him like some sort of ghost from the 17th century. For the past thirty years, he's just been grieving.

Stanford was dead. He needs to move on.

But he'll never move on. He knows that. He knows. Ford's a part of him whether he likes it or not and hell, he made a deal with a literal demon to try and get Ford back. He let himself get possessed and endanger the kids because he missed Ford.

He's grieving and he feels like he's going insane.

He loves Stanford more than anyone else and if Stanford wasn't here, then what was the point? His life has always been driven by Ford. Protect Ford from bullies. Get a million dollars so he can go back and see Ford. Fake his own death so he can bring back Ford. What does he do know?

He's lost and doesn't have a flashlight because half of him is gone. Half of him is gone and he can't recover. He's going insane because half of him is gone because he's too stupid. Too stupid to tell others what happened to Ford. Too stupid to get the portal working. Too stupid to not see the demon for what he is. Too stupid.

He's grieving and he's past sad. He feels like he can't go on. Stanford's his twin brother for god's sake, he can't just f

forget

forget

about

him.

-

It's breakfast the next morning and they are all sitting at the table.

"Kids, I called your parents. A bus will come for you tomorrow."

A sad sniffle and two nods like they were expecting this. There's a long silence.

"Do your parents know who Stanford is?"

Mabel answers after a thoughtful hum, "No, I don't think so. I doubt they even think that's your name. They probably just know you by your nickname since you're never around."

"Huh."

-

It's midnight and he's staring at his reflection in the six-fingered hand-print on Journal 1.

"I should have done this sooner," He says to the silence of the pines, a sharp intake of air as he throws the stack of three journals into the bottomless pit in front of him. He picks up the box of childhood photos and does the same, watching them float slowly downward, catching the wind. "It's what you would've wanted."

-

The house deed is laid on his desk in front of him. With white paint and a careful hand, he erases Stanford's name.

-

He picks up the memory gun, the name from the last use still winking up at him. He swallows his feelings and climbs up to the attic, the old wood groaning under him as if it knows what's about to happen.

He opens the twin's door silently, a breeze from outside rattling the window. The window brings in moonlight, making Dipper and Mabel's face glow. He's numb as he closes his eyes, shooting two shots into the night. They sleep peacefully as if nothing happened at all.

He glides back downstairs, throwing the canister of memories into the trashcan. The loud glass shatter tears through the dead silent night. He doesn't flinch.

He goes into his old, rotting office and stands in front of the mirror. There's a bright light and Stanley forgets Stanford Pines.