Hey Green

Hey Green,

         This might be a shock to you, and not just because I know that you've said the words "I know for a fact Lauren doesn't have a crush on me." Even though I find that very funny, the fact that I like you is far from a joke. And I hate it. I hate your beautiful brown eyes that I can't seem to look away from, or your laugh that pierces through a room and fills me with a feeling I still can't seem to put into words. I hate your smile, your kindness, your endless compliments, your voice, your art. I hate our connection, our daily conversations, our common interests, our Skype calls that last to 4 am, our movie days, our hugs, our knowing smiles. I hate it all, and I hate how all of it made me fall for you that much harder.

       Did you know I've liked you since April? Which is funny because we really only met around the middle of March. It's weird, I've never really developed these thoughts, these feelings, for anyone as quickly as I have for you. And that almost scares me, but you make me less scared of everything, even these feelings. These feelings that have been following me for 5 months now. April 5th, that's when I figured it out. You may be wondering why I know the exact date, but I do. Because it's the day before Kit told me that she liked you, too.

       It's almost funny, how it all played out. I realized what I was thinking and what I was feeling, to have her tell me that she had the same feelings. The next day you leave your abusive girlfriend (which I'm still proud of you for), and the day after that Kit asks you out. And my heart broke a little bit. But that didn't stop my dumb little feelings from pushing through. The number of poems I have from those first few weeks are, honestly kind of sad. And I know you've read my other poems so you know how sad it can get. But they kept coming, and my feelings followed like a sad little puppy. But I never let it show, because I may love you, but I love you enough to respect what makes you happy. And that's Kit. But that doesn't stop me from noticing what's wrong with your relationship.

       It's not healthy, and I know I've expressed to you why many times, and I always worry that my feelings are whats driving my opinions towards you even though I know it's not the case. That Steve sees what I see. That You see what I see. But I hope you don't trust me less because of these feelings. Because all that matters to me is your happiness, that you are okay, even when it means I'm not. I love our friendship, our skype calls, your eyes, and I love you.

Forever your best friend,

Lauren