Life In High School

All I ever wanted was to fit in. But I'm in high school, no one fits in. I was born in a world where people have to hide their feelings because "being gay is not okay." People have to pretend to be what they're not, because if you act like yourself then people will call you a "self centered bitch." People have to hate what they look like because if you even start to like how you look, or how much you weigh, or anything, someone will always be there to make you feel shitty.

I'm just a normal 17 year old girl, with long brown hair, and brown eyes. The thing that makes me different from everyone else is I don't spend an hour every morning doing my hair, I don't wear make up,I don't wear cardigans or floral printed shit, I don't spend 70 dollars on a sweater, my family isn't rich, and I'm not gonna pretend that they are. I'm different because I learned to like who I am and what I do, I learned to like, not fitting in.

I'm not very popular. I have like 3 friends, and 1 best friend. I think its safe to say, I'm a loser. But I'm okay with that. I don't like popular people. I don't like how they think everyone likes them, and how they play every sport and they're good at all of them, but the thing I hate the most is how they think popularity gives them the option to be complete assholes to anyone that's not exactly like them.

What I don't get is how people are always trying to be something that they're not. Why can't everyone just accept the fact that they're different, why can't people understand that the only ugly people, are people with shitty personalities. Why can't everyone understand that words can hurt, sometimes words can hurt more then physical pain. If people would rather hurt them self's cause of something you said to them, then you should go get help. I don't understand high school.

I make a big deal about bullying, but that's because I use to get bullied, I use to get bullied a lot. I used to get bullied because, well I'm gay. The bullying started online. People started IMing me, calling me a "faggot," and a "worthless homo," and telling me to die, and numerous other things. At that point, I decided to just ignore them. But about a month after, they started coming after me in school. They'd leave notes in my locker saying "no one likes you," or "no one would miss you if you died." That went on for weeks, then I started cutting myself. It was the only way I could feel a little better. I would cry myself to sleep every night. Until one day I had just had enough. I got a pen and paper, and started writing my suicide letter.

Dear, anyone who cares

I've had enough. I've had enough of all these people. I've had enough of this constant feeling of pain. I've had enough of everything. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I know you guys tried everything. But everything wasn't enough. I love you guys and I'm sorry.

Love, the worthless homo

Then I ran into the bathroom, and downed the first pills that I saw. I blacked out, all I remember is waking up in the hospital. I went to a support group that taught us how to deal with bullies. It helped a lot. After that the bullying died down. I still get called a faggot every once in a while. I haven't cut in 5 months. And I haven't thought about killing myself in 7.

I've had my share in heart breaks. But hey, haven't we all? I'm here to tell you it always gets better, I promise.

Oh and my names Taylor.

A/N

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