Sparkers

The junior high school principal, Mr.Middleton, came up to the microphone and began speaking to the audience of fifth through eighth graders.  They were all bored out of their minds, cramped up in this small auditorium, and eagerly awaiting lunch period.

He began,"I dearly thank each and every one of you for coming out this morning to this assembly where we will reward someone in here for a heroic act, saving our own Olga Romanov." 

The principal had gestured to Olga Romanov, sitting in the first row in the auditorium. She was a seventh grader. She slowly got up and went on stage besides the prinicipal.

"And that person who had saved Olga was none other than her heroic dog, Sparkers," Mr.Middleton said.

The whole audtiorium laughed as Olga stood on stage, embarrassed. Now she was joined by her huge, white pomeranian. Sparkers, that demonic dog.

As all the kids kept laughing, Mr.Middleton tried to regain control of the situation. "Hey, hey, hey. Sparkers wasn't always Olga's favorite dog but as you can see, their relationship has definitely improved. Call him, Olga."

"Sparkers, come here - Aaaaaahh!" Sparkers literally trampled over Olga in all his big, clumsy, fluffy, white goodness.

After that incident, Olga took the mic from the principal and went on with her story like she was supposed to. After all, since her story had swept the nation, she had to start somewhere with it.

"It all started when I was four and my parents first brought home Sparkers," Olga began, keeping her eye on Sparkers, who was being held under control by the vice principal at this point. "You see, I was playing in my front yard and Sparkers was there - he was still small, like, normal pomeranian size - and he was yapping at everyone. Then, out of nowhere, there is a legit theif in our neighborhood. And he had a gun." She paused for dramatic effect but seemed to get absolutely no response. "He shot at other people in the street. And I ran inside and so did Sparkers."

There were audible moans from the audience.

Mr.Middleton inserted, "So are you saying that he is naturally good luck?"

Ignoring the principal, Olga went on. "We all remember show-and-tell in kindergarten, right? My class? So, my dad told me to bring Sparkers. So, I was all like...why not? And at recess he tripped me. I fell and my leg was bleeding a lot. It was when we were going back inside and no one noticed me alone and cold on the ground....Sparkers just sitting there, watching me. My leg was broken and I had to get up and go inside all on my own!"

The awkward principal asked, "So you're saying he's bad luck now?"

Not caring what the audience was thinking, Olga continued her tragic story. "When I was about six, I was riding my bike around the block and Sparkers just decides out of nowhere to jump on top of me! He ended up forcing me into the road! Just as a car came! I got hit by a car! Oh, and you think my loyal dog would help? Think again! Sat there and watched. Eventually I healed. I mean, I was now convinced that this dog was demonic. Clearly the devil."

She looked to the principal, who no longer cared to comment so she went on by herself.

Also, then the lunch bell rang. All the teachers blocked the doors and told the children to sit back down and listen to Olga's story. After all, she was quite the local celebrity now. Many complained because it was pizza day.

"I guess you can say I have natural bad luck. I mean, the only kind of luck I have is bad luck. Fast forward to the day my house caught on fire. Me and my whole family made it out safely...except for Sparkers. I sort of felt bad for that demonic dog," said Olga. "I think back to my brother and sister crying over the loss of Sparkers, but then I wondered why I should feel sad. The only thing Sparkers ever caused me was pain and suffering!"

One audience member spoke up. "What do you mean he caused it?" he asked. "You're clearly the jinx! The dog has nothing to do with it."

"Excuse you? And you wonder why nobody likes you!!!!" Olga shouted at the kid. "Anyway, moving on with the story. About three years later, I was nine and we had moved here to Whaquette. You know how I moved into that really nice house up by the bay? One day, I decide to go swimming in the ocean and then there was this big current-"

"Ugh," another audience member audibly sighed. "And I'm guessing that it's Sparkers' fault, right?"

"We all think Sparkers died in the fire at this point. So, this big wave drags me into the ocean. Oh my goodness, it was a whirlpool! And this was during that rainstorm that quicly escalated into a hurricane!" Olga dramatically said. "The water was like whoooooosh and I was like 'Aaaaaaahhhhh!' and I thought I was doomed and then.......BOOM!"

"Boom?" asked Mr.Middleton.

"I blacked out," Olga explained.

"No, no, no, no. 'Boom' is not a good use of onomatopoeia  to descibe going unconscious," Mr.Middleton interrupted. "I would try-" He noticed the death glare Olga was giving him. "Nevermind. Please continue, Ms.Romanov."

Olga finished, "I heard when I woke up that a huge, soaking wet creature had pulled me to shore while I was unconscious. My family was hovering over my bed when I woke up and by my feet...there was Sparkers! We don't know where he came from, but I'm glad he found us again. I have now decided that he's not that bad after all. Also, I'm quite surprised at how huge he's gotten."

"That is one remarkable story, Olga," Mr.Middleton said, trying to hurry her along as it looked like she could stay on stage for hours and not get the least bit tired. "You certainly are a good public speaker-"

"One day I want to be a drama teacher-" she said.

"Well, that's nice, Olga," said Mr.Middleton, abruptly cutting her off.

And suddenly, the vice principal lost his grip on the overly excited Sparkers' collar. "Mr.Middleton! Look out!" he called.

Mr.Middleton turned around just in time to see the hundred or so pound beast jump up to him. The whole junior high had their phones ready to capture the moment where Mr.Middleton got tackled right off stage by Olga's giant pomeranian.

After doing so, Sparkers calmly walked back center stage to Olga, who pat him on the head. She also got to hold up his trophy as the vice principal read aloud, "We are now awarding Sparkers, the dog famous for saving his master and battling sasquatches, sea monsters, and other evil creatures on his way to heroism and finding his way back home!"

For once, the audience cheered and actually showed a little bit of positive attitude toward this assembly. 

Olga said to Sparkers, "That's my demonic dog."

The End