Don't Judge A Girl By Her Personality

My True Boyfriend

     Alright. I have certainly, without a doubt, have had enough of this BS. So you know what I do? Slam the door in his face, take my bra off and fling it to who knows where, and go in search of the pint of Ben and Jerry's I have hiding in the back of the freezer. Time to spend some quality time with my true boyfriend, who has always been there for me and knows the real me, unlike those idiots mom always sets me up with.

        With ice cream and a gigantic spoon in hand, I trudge to the family room and plop down on the sofa, letting out a big ass groan. I turn on the TV and switch to Netflix, AKA my boyfriend. Oh, how I love him. Dr. Sheppard is totally McDreamy.

        "Alexandra?", I hear mom call.

        "What?" I whine. Can't she tell I need some alone time to snuggle with my boyfriend?

        Mom walks into the family room, her heels rapping on the wooden floor and her wrap dress swishing side to side. Yes, this is what she actually wears when she's at home alone and "relaxing". Emphasis in the relaxing; she's the most dang uptight person I've ever known! "So," she says with a sly smile, "how was your date with Shane?"

       Stupid. Boring. Ridiculously boring.

     "It was great," sarcasm drips from every syllable.

     She narrows her eyes at me. I cave. Of course I cave. But not without whining of course.

        "Mom," I sigh and swing my head towards hers, "when are you going to stop setting me up with guys who are so boring, they deserve a good kick to the head, just because of how boring they are?" I raise my brows at her.

        "Alexandra!" her eyes flash with warning. "You will show those boys some respect, and by that, I mean don't do those stupid idiotic things you call fun."

        She means my playing football or burping the ABCs, and everything else I do. I'm pretty offended, I thought I was pretty good at belching a good one by force. My mom and I are total opposites, I don't even know how I'm biologically related to her. Although we may look the same with the red flaming hair, bright blue eyes, and fair skin, we certainly don't act the same. We're spitting images of each other, but I'm a spitfire and she's the sticky drool slowly coming out of your mouth.

        She's the prim and proper, never forgets her manners, and not a single hair out of place kind of a woman. I have never heard her burp or swear or talk any kind of inappropriate hanky panky - everything she taught me how to be.

        And everything I'm not.

        I'm not Alexandra Harper, I'm Alex Harper - loud and unruly, always forgetting my manners, and has a knack for getting down and dirty. ABC burper extraordinaire, worthy to live with a sailor and their dirty mouth, party starter, and rule breaker...but sadly only during the night.

        I swear, I could pass for a superhero.

        Alexandra by day, Alex by night, I say in my best batman voice in my head.

        "Alexandra, did you even hear what I said?"

        "Huh?" I draw my attention back to her face.

        She sighs, and I feel a little smug knowing that I can irritate her. "I said, how was your date with Shane?", she enunciates so slowly, I feel like she's talking to a five year old. Maybe she is, based on the way I act.

        I groan and slap my hand over my eyes. "It was..." I fake smile at her. "The most happiest time of my life, dear mother! I just loved how he droned on and on about his superhero figurines, and how he absolutely loves to live on the edge by wearing mismatched socks on Fridays!" I can't help my attitude. Seriously though, this is all he talked about the entire dinner!

        I take both of her hands into mine and hold them to my chest."This just means so much to me, to know that you care so much!" I sob. Then I swing my head towards her and give her an 'Are your serious? You did not just ask me that question' look. Because really, are you serious? You did not just ask me that question, dear mother.

        I drop her hands and jump off the couch and head towards the stairs, leaving the food and my boyfriend alone with her.

        I hope they survive. I have a feeling I'm going to need them again, and soon.

        Mom whips around and chastises me. "Alexandra!"

        "Celeste!" I throw back. Mimicry at its finest.

        I'm so tired of her setting me up with guys that are boring and act exactly like her and making me a puppet to do everything she would do . They don't see the real me, and to be honest, it kind of sucks. I just want to be me and I can't even slip up because mom always calls them or their mothers to see how the date went anyway. I just want to leave this place and go to college, but of course, mommy dearest won't help me afford it until I find a good boy to date. She's a sneaky little spy. I can't tell you how many times I've seen her at the same restaurant or museum my date and I were at. Stalker, much?

        I sigh and go brush my teeth, change into my jammies, flop face down spread eagle on my bed, and go to sleep.

        Like I said, I have had enough of this BS.

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A/N:

Alrighty peeps! Chapter 1 is up and I hope you guys liked it! What did you think?

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