Facade

chapter one.

My name is Jess. I died.
I'm alive now though. I open my eyes and see the sad and tearful eyes of my father, his sky blue eyes makes me feel guilty for trying to take my life but I quickly look away, I don't want to be received by my eyes. He's the reason I want to die. He caused it and made me feel the pain I feel everyday in my heart.

Father come close to me and hold my hand. "Jess I love you".

I want to say something else, I want him to tell me my mom would come back, I don't anticipate h to tell me my mom is alive and one day she's going to come home but he doesn't and I just as tears streak down his eyes.

I knew dad loved mom before she died but even with that they had constant argument, mom had trust issues and she always said dad loved her his work more than he loved her and that he never has time for her anymore. Anytime dad tried to explain it always resulted into heated arguments between them and a slamming of the door, that was mom, she took to drinking outside and was always drunk.

I still loved mum, on her drunk nights, she would stagger to my room and still check on me, she never hurled abusive words on me in her drunken state and she was with me in my fourteen years but mom wasn't herself when she was drunk and i hated it, Dad got worried but couldn't stop her so he just concentrated on me and his work. She got involved in an accident on one of her drunken nights and died.

DECEMBER, 2014.

It was a cold winter night, I sat on a chair opposite the window in my room as I watched the snow falling heavily, I was amazed by the beauty of nature itself, the snow just kind of made me calm and best of all, I did love Christmas mainly because of the gifts, I always had different nice gifts over the years especially from my dad. Dad always surpassed my expectations when he bought me gifts.

Last year I got an iPod from him and I was so happy, he did give other gifts but the iPod really made me happy because I loved music a lot and I never had an iPod of my own before that time.

This year was kind of different, dad had to work extra hard as he was promoted in the engineering company he worked and sometimes he didn't come home for two days straight. Mom got worried, started to have some disagreements with him, took to drinking to stop thinking but with time she got addicted and wasn't always at home at night.

Tonight was one of those nights, I sigh as I stand up to put on a cardigan and I shiver slightly, the cold was really getting to me, I go out of my room and go downstairs to meet dad, dad is seating on the recliner, holding a teacup while sipping gently and tapping away on his phone.

"Hey dad", I walk towards him and seat on the armchair opposite him.

"Hey, what have you been doing in your room?"

"Nothing much, just watching the snow", he chants the last part of my sentence and we end up chuckling.

"For how long do you do that?, Just you know watching the snow", he finger quotes the last part of his sentence in the air.

"I don't know, it's just fun sitting and watching the snow fall, it's just... beautiful", I end my sentence feeling like the nature lover I am.

"When you were little, you always begged your mum and I to go let you play in the snow and even though we knew it wasn't so good playing out there in the cold but we couldn't just resist, you were so cute", Dad smiles reminiscing the good old days.

"Dad, I'm still cute okay?", He laughs. Dad's phone starts to ring, he looks at the screen and looks up at me his face puzzled.

"Did you lock the door already?".