#ToAllTheBoysContest

My Letter

Dear Secret Crush,

Maybe since I'm an awkward person who isn't good at hiding somethings.. You probably already know. Yet, even though you're dating someone, and you're happy, I'm not.. She has beautiful long hair, I have long hair that gets all wavy. She has beautiful blue eyes, I have eyes that are the colour of shit brown. Her skin is beautiful and vibrant.. My dark skin blends in too much.

You probably don't know how much I love our conversations. How much I love the way you laugh. The way your eyes sparkle and the dimple on your right cheek when you smile. The way we sign to each other from opposite ends of the room.  Nobody knows of my admiration of you, maybe not even myself.

I've never been at controlling my emotions, especially not around you. But, instead of working on the eighty page essay, I was talking to you. You make me happier than anything, and... knowing that you're happy with her, makes me sad, but happy for you. I hope you feel the same way I feel for you, for her. 

Do you believe in fate? I feel like I've asked this before and you said no. Well, fate brought us together to be friends back in fifth grade. When my clumsy self got lost, you helped. Now look at us, high school students, struggling to get that A in a class.

You may not know this, but I considered you a rival for a lot of years. You are almost better than me in math... Who am I kidding, you're way better than me in math. I always looked up to you, you were so good at math. It made me feel like I could be good at math, too. So, without you even knowing it, you inspired me to be better. I am a top of the class student because of you.. 

I know you don't feel the same, the way you treat me like another guy friend, how you tell me that I was awesome at something dumb... I can live with being a guy friend, though... It means that I'll still be close to you. 

If I could, I'd look you right in the eyes, and tell you how much I actually love you. I'd tell you that you were crazy for letting me be your friend. You're fun for all those science fair nights laughing and making fun of our own projects. How last year, you were so happy to find out I made second place in my division. Hell, you were happier than I was.. 

If I could be confident for one day, I'd do these things. 

1. Come out to my parents that I'm Bisexual.

2. Tell you that I like you.

But I don't have the courage to do any of these. So I'll just stay in my room and mope on how you don't love me. And I'm fine with that...

Yours Truly

Your secret admirer.